heyo so yea it took me a while and well it was kinda hard to get myself to write anything but i did it guysss. it's probably cuz i drank like 5 coffees and got my mind of stuff but anyways yea here's a pov, i hope you'll enjoy and i don't exactly like it i mean it could have been better but yea :))
oh and check out this dude his funny:
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You sighed as you and Xiao sat down, put your bags on the floor beside your legs and as the train went on its merry way.
It was late and there weren't many people on the train. Everyone was quiet and tired after a long day and only wished to be back at home already. But although you left behind the hustle and bustle of the city centre, it was still a long way.
The world behind the windows seemed to be just an endless well of darkness. You could only see bright lines of outstretched city lights, passing by in a blink of an eye. You kept your gaze at an invisible point in front of you and tried not to look around. It was too depressing.
You'd made that mistake once and you still regretted it. Train was quite empty and lightened up by a cold, bluish and weak light and everybody seemed so miserable, sitting on their seats, lurking in the shadows. There was no views, only darkness and blinding lights outside and everything was passing by too fast to be noticed. Your head was filled with rumble, train's noises and a peculiar kind of fear and sadness. From time to time an artificial voice announcing something was waking you up from this hypnotic nightmare. But you were stuck in this reality and you were stuck in it for the rest of your life probably, because this very train was the only option to get to the uptown from the downtown and back. But it was life and there was nothing you could do about it.
And although you tried to get over it and just live, it all felt so unreal and horrifying and made you feel so small, meaningless, helpless, lonely and lost and you were just so fucking tired of it.
"You okay, y/n?" Xiao asked with a worried look on his face.
You didn't even notice, when you grabbed his hand and your fingers gripped around it tightly. You had habit of doing this – each time something upset you, you clung to Xiao. It was kind of silly but somehow, he and his presence always made you feel safe.
"Yeah, yeah. Don't worry" you said, giving him a little smile.
The truth was that nothing was okay and most certainly – you were not. Life was strange and world was odd and terrifying and broken and future was hard to predict but surely, it didn't look bright and there wasn't much hope for happy ending or other bullshit of this kind.
Xiao frowned but he didn't say anything. He knew you too well to believe you.
For a while you stayed silent because there wasn't much to say, to be honest. Your tight grip around Xiao's hand was telling more than words ever could and it was quite reassuring to feel understood without having to talk and explain yourself. You two were in this together, you were taking a train home every day, you were looking at the same lights and you were living this dull nightmare together. It was good not to be alone with all of that.
"Hey, y/n?"
"Hm?"
"Are you cold?" Xiao asked out of the blue.
"I don't know" You shrugged. "Something happened?"
Xiao had his gaze fixed at something in front of him.
"Your hands are cold" he said.
He looked so serious and you thought that you really, really, really missed seeing his smile.
You only nodded and went back to silence.
You were too tired to talk really, so you just stared at the reflection in the window of Xiao and you sitting next to each other, holding hands and tried not to think too much. Your eyes were closing on their own and your head felt heavy but your thoughts were starting to race and bringing you to places you would rather not go.
And then, Xiao took off his coat and gently covered you with it. It was warm, soft and it smelled like him – it smelled like home.
You looked up at him and he looked at you with, well, maybe not exactly a smile but a shadow of it. His eyes were sad, deep and mesmerizing.
You wished things were better for both of you but well, the best you could have right now, was this. You knew a kiss or good will or even hard work won't fix everything and there was no guarantee that stuff will work out eventually. But – perhaps you were naive to think so – you found this to be a miracle, that you got to meet Xiao, and you got to live in the same place and time as he did and that you could rely on him and that he put so much trust in you. Sometimes you couldn't believe in how lucky you were to have him by your side and to be in his life, and to have love and kindness. Although it often was hard to remember good things and all that made you feel alive, you always knew, that if your heart gets shattered, he'll be there to help you put the pieces back together. He got your back and you got his and whatever was to come, it couldn't be so scary and bad, when you had Xiao with you.
With every passing minute, it was getting harder and harder to keep yourself up and soon you gave up and let your head fall on Xiao's shoulder. His arm wrapped around you as he pulled you a bit closer and placed a kiss on your forehead.
"Sleep, y/n" he whispered as he leaned his head on yours. "I'll wake you up when we're home".
