Being Nonbinary (Trans and Nonbinary Problems)

"It's just a phase" is really harmful

When people invalidate feelings because they think "it's just a phase" it can do a lot of damage.

1 It invalidates the person's experiences/feelings/identities. It's used so often to dismiss queer identities. For most people, it's not a phase, and saying it is, is really rude. Not respecting someone's identity can really hurt them and it's not fair to do so just because you think it won't last.

2 Even if it is a phase and later someone realizes that they no longer feel that way, it doesn't make it any less valid in the moment. Being a child is also just a phase you'll grow out of but no one tells a five-year-old to do taxes. We should respect things even if they are temporary.

3 If it does turn out to be a phase, having dismissed it as 'just a phase' will make it a lot harder for people to admit that they no longer feel that way. Instead of expecting acceptance, they can expect an "I told you so". For example, I always hated kids (I didn't even spend time with people my age when I was younger) but whenever I said that, people always told me I would change my mind when I had my own kids. That's a pretty weird thing to say to a six-year-old and implying that motherhood was inevitable just made me fear growing up. I still don't like babies but I've made my peace with kids over the age of six. I can't admit that though because every time I don't gag at the sight of children my mom talks about grandkids. I think there is a chance I might someday adopt an older kid but am dreading that day because I know my mom will say "I told you so". If you actually respect people and their opinions/identities/etc. they'll trust you (wild, I know).

So anyone who tells you it's just a phase is an idiot, and the only thing that isn't valid is their opinion.