Being Nonbinary (Trans and Nonbinary Problems)

Dealing with being misgendered

Right, finally back to some actual tips and not just me crying.

I think we can all agree being misgendered sucks, but here are some tips to deal with it.

Being misgendered by a stranger:

Prioritize safety. Please, the most important thing is staying safe so if you meet a stranger and there is a chance they won't take kindly to trans folks, try not to out yourself. This can be done in two ways; 1. it sucks but just let them use the wrong pronouns. This works when it's someone you're never going to see again. 2. there is a way to get people to use the right pronouns (but it works best for binary trans folk who almost pass). You laugh or act like it's really weird and a little funny that they think you're whatever gender, then you drop your voice or bring it up depending on whether you want to be perceived as masculine or feminine and say something that makes it sound like they just made a mistake. You don't out yourself and they correct the mistake. It doesn't always work, but it's worth a shot.

If you feel safe enough or really care about not being misgendered, you can just say "my pronouns are ___", anyone who doesn't respect that is an ass.

Being misgendered by people you know well:

This one hurts a little more and is harder to casually shrug off. Depending on how much you want to remain close with them and how open-minded and accepting they are, you can do different things. It's important to remember that most people aren't being malicious, just stupid. They usually aren't trying to hurt you.

If someone is trying but they keep forgetting you can remind them and help them to perceive you as x. This can be kind of tedious but some people are well-meaning, you've just gotta give them time.

If they intentionally misgender you or show no effort to fix it there are several ways to get them to get it right. 1. Start by explaining to them why it matters to you that they use the right name and pronouns. Explain how hurtful it is to be misgendered or dead named. Some people just really don't get why you care. 2. Never respond when you're addressed in a way you don't like. Just ignore them if they use the wrong name or pronouns. Eventually, they'll be forced to get it right. 3. Finally, if all else fails, get petty. Start calling them by the wrong name, I personally like to use Beelzebub because I think it's a fitting name for people who intentionally misgender.

But if they keep misgendering you, or dead-naming you, cut them out of your lives. This can be hard, especially if it's family, but you deserve respect and you deserve to be happy.

Being misgendered by yourself:

Particularly after you first realize who you are, you will almost definitely use the wrong name or pronouns for yourself. This does not mean you are faking it, nor does it invalidate your identity, if you've been referring to yourself one way your entire life it's hard to start thinking of yourself in another. This one will come right over time as you get more used to it.

Misgendering someone else:

Never make a big deal out of it or start saying what a terrible person you are because then they feel the need to reaffirm you, and they shouldn't. Just apologize and fix the mistake. Make sure to check if people are out though, I recently got outed because I forgot to mention that I wasn't. Also, if someone asks you to misgender them around certain people, please do it.

Good luck