Temptation

Chapter 36

"Let me tell you a story about my life. My life is shit. A big, fat messy shit and you! You're the biggest part of it. I left San Francisco with a definite goal to not put up with your bullshit, get my diploma and get the hell out of here. I had this little light of clarity, but you shut it down. You showed me who was on my side, and apparently, no one! And I thank you for that. I mean, I am, really, grateful. My life is more fucked, and my trust issue went from 70 to 100%. How worse could it get? I still hated you, you were still my number one enemy, but you had to deviate that route! And you came and told me this bunch of shit, how you never hated me, you want us to squash this beef and move on, how this and that, FUCK! Of course, I believed you, you were sincere with me, and I liked that."

Words were flowing out of my mouth effortlessly, and I couldn't stop.

"I may not show it to you because I didn't want you to know I felt different about you. But here's the thing, I'm not used to people being sincere with me, so when you did that, you kind of pinched something. You can't blame me; it's just that you were the first one, and I got attracted to that, but I ignored it, you were still Julian Muriño De Elvero, and It was easier for me to admit I hate you because- for obvious reason, you and I... you know but fuck! You went to Texas, and when you came back, I thought you got cloned down there. You started talking dirty, sweet calling me names, playing and toying with my feelings...IT GOT REAL, OKAY?"

If I were not heated at the moment, I would have recorded his face. He was genuinely terrified, and it was hilarious.

"You were doing it before, and you admit it yourself that it was to annoy me, but you grew a joy for it. Well, I did not, in a way! YOU APPROACHED ME LIKE THAT, KNOWING I HAVE ALL THESE ISSUES. I GET ATTRACTED AND ATTACHED. TO. ANY. MOTHER. FUCKING. LITTLE. THINGS!!" I articulated every word with exaggerated hand signs. Tears were rolling down my cheeks. I was laughing ironically, sarcastically.

The look on his face was memorable. His eyes were agape, his mouth half-open; he was leaning backward, horrified. If he had the opportunity to run, he would be halfway through the continent because I was going crazy in him.

"Uhm...Xemina I-."

"SHUT THE FUCK UP! I'M NOT DONE TALKING, ASSHOLE. SHUT UP!" I shouted and startling him. He did not want to cross me.

"I am tired of this shit. I want this to be over. I can't handle any of your little power seduction anymore. I've had enough! This wasn't supposed to happen. I swore I would never let a boy lure me after what Shawn did! I open up to him, and he crushed me like a little bug! I turned off my emotions, and you decided, out of nowhere, to play with the switch button. You touched me once, and BOOM! I am open up to business! What kind of voodoo did you get on your fingers? Why are you doing this? Why and how do you make me feel like that? My feelings are entangled, my priorities are going down like a plane crashing because instead of focusing on my work to become a great CEO, I am thinking of you. Thinking of a way to get you out of my head, but I can't. At the same time, I am persuading myself that I want to stop thinking about you, but truth to be told, I don't want to."

I was out of breath. I never jabbed that much.

"I never felt like this, and I like it. I hate myself more than I hate you for that. I wanted you to keep touching me, to finish what you started at the gym and in the hallway. When you stopped, I was angry at you for teasing me. The only person that loved me died, and I am thirsting to be love. So when you mess around with me, you're hurting me. I can't just give myself to you. Shawn took a part of me. Even though I consider myself a virgin because he stole it from me, but you will take everything. And I can't bear to see myself fail like that. That's why I hate you." I sniffed. My voice broke at the end of the last sentence. I wiped away my tears. His expression was compassionate. He never said a word but instead lowered his head.