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CHAPTER SIXTEEN

Doctor Paige says I should let someone in but the last time I did that, they shut me out!
I went in blindly, thinking we would risk it together, not knowing I went in alone.

Doctor Paige says love yourself but I did, the heavens know I did.
She says, forgive!.. I won't!
The guilt will kill you!.. Let it!

If only I could run out screaming profanities to the universe with hope to fix a broken soul.
Run out screaming bloody murder with a scarred heart to be redeemed.
Here is a self-loathing body to be healed.

It's love! They say, Young love! But my love was not young.
Love makes them do it!... My love didn't make him not do it.
It's stupendous! They say...... Now that, is true.

I dragged myself off the stool, took my coat and the bottle of liquor with me to the roof.

Leaning over the railing I look down, held the bottle out for few seconds, and drop it.

I craned my neck, watching time slow as it fell.

It hit with great force and shattered, spilling its content onto the ground.

I smiled and shook my head, said a soft "bullshit" and left.

~~~

Throughout, I intentionally stayed in my office today; I think it had something to do with not wanting to bump into Donald accidentally. But him not being here by his car waiting at closing hour was beyond me.

Did he finally decide he was done with 'my games'? It would have been a relieving moment for me if I'm not rethinking my take on his asshole nature.

I checked the time again to make sure I'm not too early or too late to say I missed him.

~~~

Landre finally got something out of my staff and we had ideas to join, giving us a start. If only I work through the night as well, I wouldn't find myself by my car denying I'm waiting for a certain black Tesla. My tea in hand got cold long ago as I lost interest.

It is cool to lean on your car in silence, drinking tea while stargazing. But it isn't to stand by the car watching the tea in your hand like a moment from now it would tell you the answer to any question you had. At this point, people start asking their own questions.

~~~

"So when's the wedding?"

I had called Renee and Jo out for dinner so I would have something else to do. But them bombarding me with questions about an event I'm trying hard to forget was not what I had wanted.

"Ellen!"

"Huh?"

"When's the wedding?" Renee repeated herself.

"Next month."

"When are we leaving?" Jo asked.

"Two weeks?"

"Two weeks? Are you asking or telling me."

"Two weeks." I declared.

"That should be enough time to go shopping." Jo calculated.

I silently ate and watched as they made shopping plans without me. Like; I love shopping too!

"Is Reynard still coming?" I asked abruptly.

"I'm not so sure. He has to travel out next month." Jo puffed.

"Mm." That's nice. One down....others to go.

"We would have had so much fun together," she pouted.

I have no idea why I'm doing this or what even to expect out of this. I don't want to go but there is that little part that does. I can't say I'm going because they want to or because Margaux told me to. No one forces me if I say no but I also can't force myself to say no.

There is that thin thread of hope I'm holding onto with little faith.

Wish for the best but expect worse.

~~~

I am shocked, dumbfounded, flabbergasted; but I am smiling.
He is right there, by his car trying to get something off his shirt.

"Hey!" I called Donald's attention.

"Hello, Ellen!" He said, smiling at me and left what he was doing. "You look better than the last time I saw you."

I can only hope my lips aren't touching my ears. "That makes two of us then."

"Eh," Donald shrugged. "Look, I brought take out. Thought you might be hungry."

I looked at him skeptically and eyed the white package bag.

"Fine! I didn't think you'll be hungry. I'm starving, I just got back and I came here first, didn't have time for anything," he puffed.

I chuckled but accepted the drink with the burger. And then it clicked, "Just got back?"

"Mm-hmm," he said with a mouth full and swallowed. "Business, some stuff was eating at me so I left to go handle it myself."

"I would have appreciated it if I was made known about this before."

"Why?"

"Excuse me?"

"Why should I have told you?"

"For courtesy's sake? It's only polite to tell a person you see every day that you won't be present for some days!"

"I thought you wouldn't care." He said lowly and sat on his car. For some twisted reason, there was a drag in my chest when he said that. And I know I made him feel that. "But you did care. Wait!....you missed me?" Donald said it like he was more surprised and smirked. "You did, didn't you?"

"I beg to plead the fifth," I decided with disinterest.

He smiled like he gained an achievement and continued eating.

When Donald finished, he brought out a leaflet and started fiddling with it. I eyed his hand, then him.

"Will you...." Donald started but noticed I was scrutinizing him. I nodded towards the paper. "It's a ticket, to a bingo game."

"You play bingo?!" I snorted.

"Bad habits die hard." Donald shrugged.

"Do you know how to play or you wish to be lucky?"

"I try my best," he laughed.

"Mm-hmm," I thought for few seconds. "When's the game?" My curiosity got the better of me.

"Today. It's on now."

"Why are you not there?"

"I have a better thing doing." Donald looked at me.

" ... "

I ran a hand behind my ear and looked down. " I want to learn how to play."

Donald's head turned to me faster than I could think the implications of my statement. "Are you serious?" He jumped down from the car smiling.

"Mm-hmm."

Donald went to his passenger's door and opened it, "allow me teach you," he said.

I smirked and got in. I don't remember what made me do this but I know I don't regret it.

Happy Sunday!!!!