Of Monsters and Men ₰ The Originals

Chapter Twenty Five | Of Monsters and Men

         After a few moments of tense silence, I hear her chair scrape the floor, and her footsteps grow fainter as she leaves the cabin. I close my eyes, trying to catch my energy; whatever I had left of it. "Maybe I deserve to die." I sniff softly, remembering the nightmare I had a few minutes back which sent cold fingers trailing down my spine.

        I had not thought of that night in a long time. I never forgot, I just did not think about it, I suppose. Apparently even with werewolf venom in my veins, the guilt did not stifle. I felt it in force, and I clap a hand hastily to my mouth to stop the sobs. 

       "Mellie . . ."

       "You're beginning to hallucinate." Elijah speaks up from the bed beside mine. "Aren't you?" I ask weakly. "Of course I am. But I'll heal. You won't." I shut my eyes, pursing my lips. "You're just an incessant pair, are you not?"

          "What did you see?" Elijah asks after a few moments of silence. I turn around and catch his curious gaze as I pull the white bedsheets up to my shoulders. We share a tiny look, before I break it. I might as well tell him. I was going to die soon, might as well get all the crap off my chest. I focus my stare onto the dusty ceiling and inhale. 

         "Emmanuel." I let Elijah in.

        There. A tense laconism falls into a hush around us. Elijah shifts on his own bed, staring at the ceiling, like I was. "Emmanuel." He mutters. "It's been a while since I've thought of him." I rub my hands, trying to create some warmth before letting them fall to my sides. "I miss him." I whisper. "But in a way, it's good that he isn't here." Elijah turns his head once more to send a question to me. I don't look back at him, before murmuring softly.

       "I don't want him to see the monster I've become."

       "You know," Elijah speaks up after a while. "My brother, Niklaus, has quite the reputation for being a monster. He kills anything that gets in his way without regret. We wait for his redemption; a redemption that might come in the form of his child." Elijah pauses, coughing mildly.

      "Sometimes I truly believe that my goal is unreachable, because of his violent tendencies, but then I see a glimmer of humanity in his eyes, a certain . . . vulnerability. His protectiveness over his child. And, somehow, Rebekah and I still stand by him.  You know why?"

        I don't reply, fingering the edge of the bed sheet thoughtfully. "Because we're family, and that's what family does." Elijah answers. At this, I turn my body slowly to face his, leaning on my arm. "Emmanuel is your family. He might be gone, but he still lives in your heart. And if his essence still resides within you, then you're not a monster because you still know how to love. I know this, because I see the way you still look at my brother."

        I pause, catching the honesty in his brown eyes. I don't know what to say ― I know what I feel, yet I don't know how to express it to Elijah. I mean, what can you say to something like that? 

          "We are of monsters and men. It's onerous not to get anchored down to the churning abyss that is lost hope, but we have to live with it all the same, because that is what we are."

     I get what he means. The monstrosity that is my vampirism consumes me, like an eclipse veiling the sun. And sometimes, the darkness is titanic and I can't find the light as I grasp through my tunnel of despair. But then there is the human, the one that still and always will love Niklaus Mikaelson. She is my sanity, the tether that will hold me down in times of madness.

        At times, I might lose hold of the rope keeping me in place, but I hope ― I know― that she'll always bring me back, because of love. And that is what keeps me from being a behemoth, because I can love.