Unloved - Let us rewrite the stars ||englisch||

✨T W E L V E✨

I was rudely roused from my sleep the next morning and turned to my other side, grumbling. "You have to get up, Hailey," Lando said sleepily. I was a little disoriented for a moment, but then understood. Shocked, I jumped out of bed. "Sorry Lando, but I have to. See you." I quickly grabbed my phone and disappeared. I don't think I'd been up that quickly in the last few weeks and I wasn't planning on getting up again any time soon.

In my room, I slid down my door and propped my face in my hands. A storm raged inside me, but at the same time I felt empty. Nothing, but still so much. I was swamped, didn't quite know what to do. I shouldn't have let him get so close to me. Because of him, I watched a race and longed for it again. I tussled my hair in despair and let out a dry sob. Why? I had managed so well to block everything out and now this. I don't want this. My hands tangled in my red curls and no matter how hard I tried to hold back the tears, I couldn't do it. I was disappointed in myself. Even I managed to betray myself.

The tears flowed silently until finally there was a knock at my door. Once again I flinched in shock. Trembling, I rose and opened the door. Lando was standing in front of me. "What's wrong?" Emotionless, I just stared at him. "I can't... don't want to tell you. Just go, okay?" He looked at me without understanding for a moment, but then started to speak. "But I..." That was as far as he got because I slammed the door in his face. Very mature, I know. Completely flummoxed, I started packing my suitcase, quickly got ready and then dragged myself to Cara. She opened the door for me in a good mood. "I hate you," I hissed at her. Perplexed, she stared at me. "What?" "I. Hate. You." She pulled me into her room. "Get off me!" "Damn it Hailey! What's wrong with you now?" "You made me come with you. Because of you he was with me yesterday and it's your fault I let him get to me in any way!" "You just calm down. And then explain to me again normally what your problem is," she tried to calm me down. "What my problem is? My fucking problem?! You, Cara!", I shouted, upset. Overwhelmed and hurt, she faced me silently for a while. "I was just trying to help you..." she whispered softly and I could see it glistening in her eyes. My lips started to quiver. I didn't want them to. I didn't want to make her cry. Without a word, I went to my room and sank down on the bed. Not a few minutes later there was a knock. After a moment of struggling with myself, I finally opened it and standing in front of me was Carlos. "Hey. I should get you downstairs. We're leaving now," he told me, smiling slightly. I nodded, turned around and picked up my suitcase and backpack. Carlos took one of my suitcases as a matter of course. Cara had sent it for sure. "I heard you and Cara yelling around. What happened?" Embarrassed, I bit the inside of my cheek. "It's her fault," I mumbled softly, continuing to look at my shoes. "Do you want to tell me what her fault is too?" "That I'm here. That I watched the race. That I've become important to people who shouldn't be," I replied, annoyed. "I don't happen to be one of those people?" I started to think. He did. Not quite like Lando, but he was important to me somehow. "So you do." He pressed the button from the lift, whose doors also opened in a moment. "But you didn't mean me, did you?" "Lando," I murmured softly. "He really likes you. In fact, he talks about you all the time." We were silent until we were downstairs and even after that I didn't speak to anyone. I ignored both Lando and Cara. The flight was going to be hell.

 ✧✧✧

And I was right. A day later, I was finally home. Without a second thought, I headed for my room and threw myself onto the bed. I had actually slept the whole flight, making sure not to sit next to the boys or Cara. I had already bought a ticket to Germany. I struggled to get up again and threw my clothes from the weekend into the washing machine and packed new ones for a week in my suitcase. Cara would already get my clothes out of the washing machine, so I could just leave without worrying. Without a second thought I grabbed my suitcase and backpack and went to the door, where I put on my shoes and jacket. "I'll be back in a week!", I shouted through the flat, because I didn't want to disappear without a second thought. My best friend didn't answer. All right, then, don't.

✧✧✧

Only two hours later I was standing at my parents' front door. From inside, I heard rumbling and then barking. Immediately I had to smile. The door opened and my mother smiled happily at me. Devin, my parents' Eurasier, wagged his fluffy tail wildly, licking my hands. "Hey mom. Hi Devin." I squatted down and gave the black dog a good cuddle before turning to my mother. I hugged her and asked her where my father was. "You know he's in the stable," she said with a laugh. "I'll go and look for him then," I said with a smile. "And tell your father that dinner will be ready in an hour." "I will! Come on Devin!" I called and jogged towards the stables. There was room for about fifty horses and I loved them all. But most of all my Champ of Class, or just Champ. "Hailey! You're already here!" I heard behind me and promptly whirled around. "Dad!" I hugged him happily. My dad was everything to me and I just loved him. No matter what I did, he always had my back and for that I was more than grateful. "How are you honey?" "Excellent. I'm just a little tired, but other than that, I'm okay." "I'm glad to hear that. Champ is out in the pasture." He gave me another quick wink and then went back to his work. "Oh, Dad. Mom says dinner in an hour." He just nodded and I too went straight to my stallion.

I whistled and promptly the chestnut came trotting up. "Hi Champ," I whispered and fell around his neck. I had already climbed over the fence and was sitting on the gate. Devin had followed my dad.

Deeply I sucked in the spicy smell of the horse. It was definitely one of my favourite smells. "Tomorrow we'll go for a ride mmh? And a bit of work would do you good again," I announced my plans for tomorrow. The stallion snorted and started nibbling on my jacket pocket. "Yeah, yeah, I know. But I don't have anything with me." Laughing, I stroked his forehead. "You sweet something."

I had spent the last hour with Champ, letting my mind wander. I missed Lando, in a way. But I barely knew him, so why exactly was I missing him? I was still ruminating even as I ate, but then my parents engaged me in conversation. "Did you see the race?" my dad started. "On the TV," I answered absently. "Did you like it?" My dad had hopes that I would enjoy the sport again, but so far I had always struggled. "More than I would have liked, but can we please talk about something else now?" It still hurt incredibly to talk about it. Talking about Formula One in this house was harder than in any other. My mom was practically killing Dad with looks right now, but then actually deflected. "Have you met anyone nice?" Instantly, I blushed. My mom promptly understood. "What's his name?" "Lando," I mumbled, poking at my food. "So what?" dad butted in again. "Norris." "Didn't he come second in Formula 2 last year?" he mused aloud and I just shrugged. He had always followed it all up. But I never had. "When are we going to meet him?" "Mom!", I exclaimed in horror. "There's not even anything going on yet. Besides, I wasn't exactly the warmest person." "So you were so you again." I scowled at my father. "Yes, I've been all me. I'm tired and would like to go to bed now." I rose. "Good night, sweetheart," my mom wished me and dad also said goodbye and went back to the barn. I went upstairs to my old nursery. Cautiously I looked around. Horse posters and pictures of Formula 1 drivers still hung on the walls. My mother had probably already brought my suitcase and rucksack into my room, because they were lying on my bed. I lifted both off the bed and then changed. After a short visit to the bathroom, I snuggled into the blanket and sighed contentedly. Still, there was someone missing.

26.06.2021