Unloved - Let us rewrite the stars ||englisch||

✨T H R E E✨

Was I right about it being exhausting? Definitely yes. I had struggled through it yesterday, mostly just sitting somewhere while the others had enjoyed themselves greatly. In between, Lando had joined me and talked to me. Or rather, he talked while I listened. But that was okay. I like to listen, because talking was difficult for me. I never managed to put into words what I wanted to say, so I started writing.

I heard Cara sneak into my room and sit on the edge of my bed. "Good morning Hailey. Wake up." She gently shook my shoulder, but I just pulled the covers up grumbling. "I just wanted to tell you I'm going for a jog. Be back in an hour," she whispered and pressed a kiss to my cheek. I just dozed on, untouched. She should do it, I would only get up when she came back and only then if she kicked me out of bed.

An hour later, as Cara had said, I heard her unlock the door. "I'm back!" she shouted through the whole flat in a good mood. I just groaned in nerves and opened my eyes for the first time that day. My best friend hopped into my room in a good mood. "You still haven't got up!" she said indignantly. "So what? I can do what I want," I muttered and sat up. "You or me take a shower?", I asked, sliding out of bed with difficulty. "You go. At least you'll get up." I nodded and got all the clothes I was about to put on out of the wardrobe. In the bathroom I threw them carelessly on the floor and brushed my teeth before getting into the shower. I leaned my forehead against the cold shower wall while the hot water splashed on my tense shoulders. I stroked my right forearm with my left hand. Many small scars. Small, but deep. Memories I didn't want to remember, but they reminded me of them. Whether I wanted to or not. I shook my head briefly and began to lather up.

Finished showering, I put on the clothes I had laid out. They consisted of black sweatpants and a black oversize hoodie. I made a quick trip to the kitchen where Cara was cooking. "You don't want to eat with me, do you?" she asked without giving me a glance. However she knew I was in the kitchen, because after all, I had slid across the laminate on my socks like a ninja. "Nope. I was just going to get some milk." Cara rolled her eyes. "So you're working now?" "Yup. Taking a break at four. Want to go to a coffee shop together then?", I asked as I grabbed a glass from the cupboard and the milk from the fridge. "Can we." With that I settled down and disappeared into the workroom. The desire to go to a café had somehow come and I think Cara was as surprised as I was. Yawning, I booted up the laptop and began to continue what I had started.

✧✧✧

 "Oh, by the way Hailey. Did Lando write to you?", Cara asked me out of nowhere. We were sitting in a nice, quiet café at our regular spot. I had grabbed a cocoa, there was no milk here, and a chocolate donut, which was technically my breakfast, while Cara stuck with a coffee. "Why?", I asked smacking my lips. "He asked me for your number this morning. Poor guy didn't dare ask you. I think you upset him a bit," she explained, finishing with a pout. "You know I hate you, don't you?" I wanted to know annoyed, sipping my hot drink that I had burnt my upper lip on just a few minutes ago. "Do you want to write to him first?" she asked, eyeing me closely. "And why should I?" "Maybe because you like him?" "And who said I liked him?" "Me?" I laughed out. "Yeah, right. Go to hell," I grumbled and continued sipping my cocoa. I don't like people. Especially the male ones. It's not that I was into women, because I wasn't. But something happened in the past that completely destroyed not only my confidence, but also my life. And I don't know if it could ever be rebuilt.

"So, are you going to write to him or not?" my best friend snapped me out of my thoughts. I shook my head briefly, trying to sort out the chaos that was up there. My mobile phone, which was lying with the display facing upwards, lit up and so the decision was taken away from me. An unknown number called me. "Go on, answer it. It can only be Lando." I rolled my eyes and pushed the call away. "Why did you do that now?!" she exclaimed, beside herself and ruffling her hair. "Simple Cara. I. Need. No one," I explained coldly, standing up and putting the money for our things on the table. Since the café was not far from our apartment block, I walked.

 When I got home, I took off my black shoes and hung up my jacket. I promptly disappeared back into the workroom and continued working. I heard Cara come in a little later. She was pissed, I could hear it in her walk. She then walked louder and yes, it happened more often that I made her so angry. "Hailey! Lando texted me, by the way!" she yelled. She still sounded pretty pissed, but couldn't care less. "And what do I care?" "What do I know? He just asked why you weren't answering and if you were busy." "I am and now let me work." Without a care, I opened the Pinterest page on my MacBook. Didn't need her to know, so that I wasn't really working. Why should she? After all, she was leaving me alone now. Just like Lando. I would simply call him back tomorrow or write to him. For now I devoted myself to Pinterest again and scrolled pointlessly through my homepage.

08.05.2021