God Had Other plans

Zara

November 7th.

I usually lay on my bed when I am dealing with my anxiety issues. I try to make myself comfortable again and i wander into my thoughts and wonder how life used to be so much better until just a couple of days ago. I had just gotten into my university, Life seemed simple yet perfect for me just like I always wanted but November 5th; marked the darkest day of my life,which changed everything and for the worst of it. That day changed my whole perspective on living, What i thought was perfect was now just a mere fantasy. Nothing seemed to be going the way I had planned. All I ever wanted was a simple, prosperous live with a happy family and an honest stable job.

I too wanted a partner. We all dream about a person who cares about us, someone who is bold, handsome, loves us for who we are, Is a one women person and would be afraid of losing us. That was my perfect fantasy but after what had happened, All this seems like nonsense, I don't want a partner anymore. I don't want to put anyone's life in danger anymore, I can't do it. I had put my parents in danger already, How can I be so selfish and put more people at risk. I can't do that again. I can not put more people at risk.

I didn't know how to cope with all of this, I was up all night overthinking and was just tossing and turning all around the bed. I couldn't bring myself to sleep, but just like that getting tired of all the thoughts I fell asleep and then a few hours later, i wake back up again and I can already feel myself going down that emotional and mental turmoil once again.