Our journey - The 100 imagine

Earth skills - 01x02

"Maybe we shouldn't have left Wells alone with Bellamy and Murphy", I say to Clarke. Jasper got hit in the chest with a spear and we are the rescue party trying to find him. Finn, Clarke and I headed in one direction, coming across a waterfall where we took a break. Finn just left to look for tracks again and we are sitting on the shore, throwing rocks in the water.

"Well, I don't care about him", Clarke answers my question from earlier. "You can't ignore him forever, you know. At some point you have to talk to him about it." I know where this conversation is going and I can already feel the anger bottle up.

"Because of him I lost my father, don't you understand that?" "You're not the only one with problems, you know! I lost almost everyone I care about. I only have you and Wells left and it kills me to see that you can't even look at him anymore." "Well I'm sorry you lost your parents but I can't and won't forgive him. And if you have a problem with that then go float yourself!"

I didn't think she would say that. My chest feels like it's gonna burst from the emotions and I can't control myself. I know I need to cool off alone, before it gets out of hand. "I'm going." I stand up roughly, almost tripping in my anger, and head back to the forest. Just when I am about to hit a tree, Finn shows up. "I've found Jasper's goggles. We're close. Are you okay?" He notices my anger and tries to calm me, something he always did since we've become friends.

He pushes me lightly to sit on the ground and slowly runs his hand over my back. He knows exactly what he has to do to calm me down. "Okay, what happened", he asks when I'm finally cooled off. "I had a fight with Clarke about Wells. Again." "You know I said to let her talk to Wells on her own terms. Don't rush her." "But I just want her to be happy again and I want to help her because I... because she's my best friend." I almost said it. Almost.

I hope Finn doesn't notice the blush on my cheeks from almost spilling my best kept secret: I have a major crush on my childhood best friend. It's very cliché and I can't help it. "Maybe you have to tell her that." "What?" I panic slightly. "That you just want the best for her." Oh. Okay. He didn't notice. "Yeah, I'll tell her now then." Finn helps me stand up and I walk back to the river.

Clarke is still sitting on the shore, looking deep in thought. "Hey", I say quietly. "I'm sorry about earlier. I didn't mean to yell at you, but sometimes I can't control myself." She doesn't say anything back, just keeps staring at the water. "Look, I know you hate Wells right now and I'm not going to push you to forgive him. I...I just want you to be happy and I thought that being friends with Wells again was going to make you happy."

She still doesn't say anything, so I move to sit next to her. "Please say something." She finally turns her head to look at me. "I know about you and Finn." "What are you talking about? There's nothing between me and Finn." "Then why are you two always together? Why is he the only one who can calm you down? Why can he rub his hands over your back when you don't even like it when I hug you?"

"That's not true I like it when you hug me." "It doesn't seem that way." "That's because I always get shy and I never know where to put my hands!" Now it's quiet. "I don't like Finn the way you think I do", I say, hoping she understands now. "How much do you like him then?" "You don't get it, do you? I don't want Finn, I want you!" Shit. I'm so caught up in my panic that I don't see the small smile that plays around her lips.

Clarke calms me with her hand on my arm and nudges me to continue. "Finn helped me with my anger issues which I got after my parents were floated. I spent a year in the Sky Box without you and Wells, so I needed someone to talk to. I missed you guys like crazy and it also made me realise that I not only like you as a friend, but as so much more."

I look at her and see her eyes glistening. She leaves her hand on my arm as she starts to speak. "Not long after you got arrested, my father got floated and I was put in solitary. I had a year to think about everything and I spent many hours wondering what would happen if you got floated too. I came to the conclusion that I couldn't lose you too and that I like you a lot more than I should."

We look at each other, moved by the confessions we both made. I wipe away a tear that's rolling down from Clarke's cheek with my thumb. We hug for a moment before it's interrupted by Finn and the others who yell that they found Jasper. Clarke and I share a long look and laugh before following them.