PHOENIX

Chapter Thirty Five: Insomnia

I am so deeply and irrevocably fucked.

After last night's chat with Dream, I couldn't get to sleep no matter what I did. Fluffing my pillow, rearranging the sheets, nothing was working.
He said I was pretty, beautiful even. What the fuck was I supposed to do with that?

And things are even more unclear on where we are relationship wise. Friends? More than that?
By sunrise, I was more awake than ever, not getting a wink of sleep. I needed something to do, since I was obviously not going to bed. So I got out some paper and started a letter to Niki.

Dear Niki,
Please let me know if you got home safe! I have been very worried about you, especially after what happened last night. I don't know what to say about Tubbo...just let me know if Tommy is doing alright with all of this. I can't be there for him, and I would really appreciate it if you could say some kind things to him for me. I know you out of everyone would be the best at that. I'm not sure what the plan is anymore, with Tubbo gone, I just can't think of a happy future. If you have anything to offer, that would be great.
With love, Nix

I probably would've cried again writing the letter if I hadn't already cried every tear out of my body.

Walking out of my room and into the empty hallway, I opened the nearest window and let out a loud whistle, hoping my feathered friend would hear it somehow.

My hopes came true as Ashes landed on the window sill, screeching greetings at me.

"Hello buddy" I cooed, making sure to give Ashes extra scratches today.

"I really need you to get this to Niki if possible" I pleaded, knowing Ashes wouldn't comprehend it, but maybe some immortal being up there would take pity on me and deliver the letter.

Ashes took the note into his beak and then flew off, traveling through the trees.

Birds are so lucky, I wish I could fly away from all of life's troubles.

Going back into my room, I changed for the day ahead, not knowing what it would look like in the slightest. The only thing I could count on was Alyssa making sausage.

The smell of sizzling meat wafted through the house, and I was drawn like a moth to a flame.

"Good morning" Alyssa greeted.

"Sausage" Was my response.

"I know it's your favorite breakfast food, I was hoping it would cheer you up after your fight with Dream last night. And Tubbo....." She trailed off, looking away from me.

Okay, ignoring that last part because I would much rather be in denial than depression.

"Actually, Dream and I made up" I say sheepishly, picking up a fork and stealing a sausage from a nearby plate.

"Made up? You two are so stubborn, who said sorry?" Alyssa asked, her eyebrows raised in disbelief.

"Dream did, surprisingly" I say as I scarf down the sausage.

"What? Now that's something I've never seen before" Alyssa laughed.

"I know right? He seemed very genuine about it"
"When was this? I thought you went to sleep right away?" Alyssa asked curiously.

"Um well I ended up going into the library instead, and then Dream apologised....and yeah that was it" I stumbled out, picking my words carefully.

"That was it?" Alyssa narrowed her eyes on me.

"Yep" I replied while reaching for another sausage.

Alyssa moved the plate away, and I whined in protest.