25th december
kenzie louise
don't panic.
panic attacks.
they were probably my least favourite thing i've ever had to put up with...and that's saying a lot.
after pulling ross out of the bath tub and his wet clothes, helping him dress, it was tough for me and he told me he was fine to do it alone but i refused to leave him in this state, it was hard to watch.
the worst part was having to just now find out about his adhd, i wish i new before, did he not trust me?
i cant overthink right now.
it's christmas day and it's almost 2pm and we're still stuck up in ross' bedroom getting ready to go downstairs
"i'm ready when you are" i said in a quiet tone as i put the cap of my mascara on and back into my makeup bag, i'm sat on the floor in front of a mirror
ross on the edge of his bed, his legs bouncing up and down, his hands intertwined in each other's, his eyes just staring down at the floor beneath him
the things is, do i help him? i've never seen him liek this before, he's blaming himself about the baby, and i was too but theres nothing we could've done, we had no clue
i wish i knew more about pregnancy.
i stood up and walked besides ross, i place my hand on his shoulder and lean forward, dressed in only black jeans with an oversized grey hoodie whilst ross was in black mom jeans with a dark blue shirt, his white converse on the carpet beneath us
"come on" i try encouraging him but he doesn't budge
he looks up at me with his leg still bouncing and hands still together, his bottom lip was between his teeth, but when i saw his glossy eyes i couldn't bare to stand there and watch this anymore
trying to hold my own tears and emotions back, i stand in front of him and grab both his hands, holding them loosely in my hands he hold onto me
i pull him up, his 6ft frame towering over me like usual, i look at him, both of us waiting for something, we were both going to cry, we knew that for a fact
i try to help him as much as i can and that's why i did the thing i did next, i let go of his hands, replacing them around his neck, one hand on the back on his head i pull him into my neck, i'm on my tip toes at this point, he wraps his arms around my waist and i feel his shoulder shake; he's crying.
i let my years quietly fall, it hurts, we could've been a family.
my legs started to shake, like i couldn't stay up any longer, my feelings all overwhelming me, my knees goes and ross clearly take a note of it
he pulls me back up only to pull away, he puts his hands on my face bringing his thumbs to underneath my eyes, he's wiping my tears away.
i hold on his hands, leaning into them, he grabs me and wraps his arms from behind my neck, he slowly crouched so we're on the floor, he leans against his bed with his legs spread out in front of us, he holds me against his warm body, i'm cuddled into a ball in his chest
