Misunderstood - A Personal Journal

Entry 10

Wednesday, January 9th, 2013, 11:07 pm

 Dear diary,

 This week has already been emotional. I'm back at Tony's thank God. So earlier this week beliebers decided they would self harm, because justin apparently got caught smoking weed, and they were trying to get his attention to make him quit. That was not a fun day. Josh (my brother) made fun of them. Hima nd his friend decided take ketchup take a pic to make it seem like they were cutting. Got into an argument with a friend of his on there about it.

 My mom thinks it's funny. Then again what's new. Her and Rod make fun of the fact I'm bi, the fact I don't like to eat meat, and she finds it funny that I cut. I've always been the outcast in the family. My mom is like I am too. No your mom just doesn't tell you everything. I call her a bitch all the time. She thinks I'm joking whe I say it, but I really ain't. She's exactly like her mother. Everybody tells me I look like her, but I don't want to. I? don't want to be like her, I don't want to look like her.  I think that's partly why I dye my hair so much. So it isn't the same as hers, but right now it is becaue she used the same frinkin color as me when dyed hers.

 Another reason I cut it too. She likes it long, I do it to spite her. I know it's stupid. I'm 19 yet I still do things to get back at my mom. I'm still mad at her over these past 7 years. Rod and her play it off like they never did anything, but they did. I know I did too, but I don't act like I didn't. I've owned up to my mistakes and I'm paying for them everyday.

 Not being able to talk to Bradley or Garry because they want nothing to do with me kills me. Mom doesn't help. I swear she only puts up with me because she's hoping Garry will want to talk to her. He doesn't though he's made that very clear to me. She can't get it through her head though.

 I wonder how I'm even part of this family. They're all fucking racist as hell. They make fun of the fact that I have a crush on Mike. If mom had it her way, I'd be with whoever she set up with me, but that's not happening. She'll be lucky if she'll ever see her grandkids when I have kids, which isn't going to be for a while I hope.

 All of last week they were suppose to take me to mcdonald's to fill out an application. They didn't do that. We were suppose to go to walmart, they didn't take me. Tony gave me an application from mcdonald's and turned it in for me. She got me one from frisch's too.  Which I turned in today and I already go back for an interview tomorrow.

 I"m excited about that. I can't wait to work. I  can start saving up money and everything. Tony said if I do get hired, That I can stay here, that way I can save up my money and don't have to give it to Rod all the time.  I gave mom about 2.25 for laundry which we need done really bad, and she let Rod use it for something else. I can tell you where it went too. To John so they could get painkillers.

 I need to start focusing more on my writing too. I think tomorrow after my interview I'm going to work on wattpad here and update everything and reorganize my poems. only thing is I have so many of them. I have to start three stories, plus upload chapter 2 for two others, but I have partly written in a notebook somewhere.

 I'm going to go bed. Night. Hopefully my week can only get better from here. <3