We've Got To Stop Meeting Like This

Breathe

"Meredith, I want to be with you. I want to start my life with you," he sighed, crouching in front of her and taking her hands.

"It's just two more years, Derek, and we'll still be together, nothing will change that," she murmured, leaning forward so their foreheads touched.

"I'm so in love with you, Meredith, I would do anything for you," he murmured, his eyes closing as he squeezed her hands gently.

"I know you would," she breathed a soft laugh, "That's why we can't talk about our fellowship decisions."

"I just... I'm really impatient, I guess," he chuckled, lifting his hand to brush her hair back behind her ear, "I want to marry you, and settle down with you, start a family."

"I... I want that too. You make me want that, for the first time in my life, but we have a plan, and we really should stick to the plan," she gently nudged his nose with her own, "We can keep planning our holiday, if you want something to talk about."

"Two weeks, a hot beach, and my incredibly hot fiancée in a two piece? I dream about that," he briefly caught her lips, "But... you could at least tell me where you're interviewing at. John Hopkins is a big deal."

"Derek," she groaned softly, pulling back from him, "We already agreed to not talk about it, please just drop it."

"I'm just excited for you, I mean there's no doubt they'll offer you a place, but still... I'm so proud of you," his hand rested on her thigh as he stayed crouched in front of her.

"Hopkins isn't even... it's an option," she shrugged, "There's better programmes, just please drop it."

"Are we not even going to talk about specialisations?" he sighed, moving to stand up.

"You know my specialty," she rolled her eyes, her arms crossing over her chest.

"I'm pretty sure you're not just going for general neurosurgery," he shook his head, running his fingers through her hair, "I don't get why you're being so secretive about this."

"Because if I tell you, then you'll know where my top choices are, and that will sway your decision and I don't want that! I don't want you making your decision based on where I want to go. You need to make your decision for you, based on the programme you want to go to that best compliments the specialty you want to pursue!" she exclaimed as she got up off the couch, moving through into the kitchen.

"Mer, where are you going?" he asked, following her.

"I need a drink," she sighed, pulling out a bottle of tequila and a couple of shot glasses, "Do you want one?"

"Sure," he said, sitting on a bar stool.

"I'm not... I want to know what's going on with your fellowship applications, I want to know everything that's going on in your life, but I can't make my decision based on where you want to go," she explained further as she poured them both a shot of tequila.

"I'd move to be with you tomorrow if you'd let me," he said just before downing his shot, his face scrunching up as the gold liquid burnt the back of his throat.

"We should stop talking about this," she shook her head slightly as she drank her own shot, not even flinching.

"How do you do that?" he asked as he moved off the stool and around the counter to stand beside her.

"Do what?" she asked, turning to him.

"Drink tequila like it's water," he chuckled, his hand moving to her waist.

"A lot of practice," she laughed softly, leaning toward him, her voice dropping to a whisper, "I missed you, and I don't want you to go back, but I'm not going to keep you here either."

"It's not keeping me here if I want to stay," he lowered his head to kiss her forehead, his arm sliding around her waist as he held her close.

"You need to finish your residency, and then we pass our boards, two years of fellowship... we can do this, Derek," her head lay against his shoulder, her hand taking his.

"Let's go get married," he murmured, catching the engagement ring on her finger with his thumb.

"And deny your family a wedding?" she laughed slightly, squeezing his hand, "We have a plan, Derek. And I'm not spending the first two years married to you apart from you."

"Yeah, that actually sounds worse than just being apart from you for another two years," he sighed, running his fingers through her hair as he kissed the top of her head, "Which I didn't think was possible."

"I love you, you know that I love you, and I'm not going anywhere. I'm yours, we don't need to get married right now for you to know that," her head lifted and she touched her lips to his a moment.

He responded immediately, returning her kiss and tangling his fingers into her hair. He continued moving his lips with hers as he turned her so that her back was against the counter, relishing in the soft gasp she made as he lifted her up on to the counter.

"I love you too, so much," he groaned softly, his hands moving over her thighs as her legs wrapped around him.

"I know," she whispered, her lips brushing his again, "We can do this."

"I hate having to leave you," he murmured as their lips met again, his eyes closing as he tried to ingrain this memory of her into his mind, his hands moving under her jumper.

"We'll see each other again soon," she mumbled, her fingers sliding through his curls with a gentle grip.

"This isn't easy for me," he breathed, kissing her harder.

"It isn't easy for me either, but it will be so worth it," her fingers gripped his hair a little tighter as she returned the intensity of his kiss, "I'm sorry."

He knew this wasn't a fight he was going to win. Their plan was solid, they'd both agreed on it, and it was right, it made sense. He just didn't like it. He would just have to enjoy the time he had with her now, there was no point continuing to fight with her on it when they had so little time to spend together. He would just have to breathe without her for a little longer.

And we know it's never simple, never easy,
Never a clean break, no one here to save me.
You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand.
And I can't breathe without you, but I have to.