All Eyes On Me

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(a/n: nearly 18 thousand words long, but have this oneshot named after Bo Burham's song All Eyes On Me, which kind of deviates from the actual meaning of the song and goes into fantasy mode. There is a cameo in here from a good friend of mine you might recognise, but I'll let you try and figure that out as you go. I'm sorry it's so rambling, but please enjoy.
izzy x )

When the river slowly starts to sing, when the world seems to pause, when the entire universe waits with bated breath for something to happen, that is when love has a chance to flourish. When the leaves are still wet from a summer's rainfall, when the floor is still damp and soft underfoot, it feels like nature herself is healthy, safe. Like she wants her children to be there, wherever she is.

I don't remember the last time I came down here. I must have been a lot younger, must have not realised the value of this place, the way it always seems to send a sense of calm through my entire being. I don't remember the last time I stopped to listen, stopped to wait for a duck and her children as they crossed the riverside path, to get to the water's edge. I don't remember the last time I walked past a group of dog walkers, each pup covered head to toe in mud, trotting happily through familiar route, dragging their amused owners behind them.

Tonight, the evening sky is particularly beautiful, the clouds folding over each other like the various shifts and movements in a silken scarf, each thread a slightly different shade of gold or orange. The uppermost part of the sky is still a bright, clear blue, though any small clouds appear faintly purple, thanks to the quality of the light.

There's something about it, something that reminds me of the old days. Walking with my family down here, watching the sunlight glimmer off the water's surface, watching the ripples of little insects dancing over the river, the faint sounds of fish leaping out of the safety of their homes to catch an insect. Somewhere, a warbler is singing its signature tune, though I can't quite place where it is.

As the sun continues to dip lower behind the trees, the world dims a little, and the overwhelming nature of a summer's day begins to fade. The brightness is turned down, the heat not so stuffy and hard to deal with. There's no glaring gaze burning a red rash on the back of my neck, just the friendly, familiar caress of an evening breeze.

Walking along this old route feels safe, though I can't quite put my finger on why. It's like my childhood has laid itself out for me. Like the memories of a simpler time are sat in some book somewhere, hidden under the roots of the weeping willow, or written on the bark of the birch trees. Maybe that book is still being written, on the reeds, which are being dried via ancient methods that haven't changed for millennia.

My jeans cling to my legs, the phone in my pocket an obvious weight, but I prefer it that way, when I can always feel it resting there against my thigh, so that I know it's not gone missing. One headphone rests in my ear, though it's not playing anything at the moment, because I don't really feel like listening to anything right now. I just want to soak in the energy of the forest, but the headphones help me avoid starting conversations with the strangers that I walk past.

I have no real reason to come here today, no pets or interesting friends to meet. I have no destination, though I know I'll eventually end up curving back round to home if I'm lucky. I have no real desire to think about any of that, because I'm not sure if it matters where I'm going. In this odd, drifting mood, my thoughts are the start of something. They're a stepping stone onto something, and I'm just following a path laid out for me by forces I don't fully understand.

It only stopped raining a few minutes after I left my house, and the sleeves of my coat are damp, cooling my wrists down a little. It's a little uncomfortable, but I don't really mind, and the scent of wet earth, as well as that after-rain smell that always seems to take charge in the summer, are both still present. I love it. It's one of the things that makes me long for home, wherever that may be. One of those things that makes me feel like I belong, though that doesn't make much sense. It just makes life feel right again, and in this moment that's exactly what I need.

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