Virgin Lips

33. Cop instincts, huh

We need to celebrate!!!

Uh, no, we don't. I rolled my eyes – Valerie and her over-enthusiastic self, as usual.

I'll bake something! Ben can go grab drinks, maybe Joe can provide the pizza?

Ugh. How do I tell her that Ben and I aren't friends anymore? If I even try to mention the issue, Valerie's going to start pouting and going on and on about how we should fix it, and friendship lasts forever, and she got over the fact that Ben pretty much ghosted her after high school but they met again because fate, and blah, blah, blah.

It's just not the same situation. Pulling apart after high school is mostly normal, but faking an entire friendship, that's a whole different animal. Okay, maybe he didn't totally fake it, but it still remains that he lied about the most basic things and a lot of others.

So tonight at 9?

I sighed, dropping the phone onto the table. When I left the Grant building, I wasn't sure where to go or what to do. I mean, what to you do when you get great news? You tell your loved ones – normal people would say. Well, I've never done that. I mean, when I got good grades, when I won awards or got accepted into colleges, I never told anyone.

Okay, mostly it's because I didn't exactly have anyone to tell other than my parents. I've never been much close to my cousins, except when we were very little, and I don't have siblings, plus I've never really had close friends, other than that girl I mentioned. So, I never felt the need to tell anything to anyone. Hell, nobody even knows about my plans about the future.

Well, no one except ... well, Ben. Yes, I did mention something to Jeremy, but in the end, it was Ben that helped me with the planning, Ben pushed me, challenged me. I mean, this whole ...sort of transformation really started with him. So, I guess it's mostly been something between the two of us. That's why, regrettably, the first person I wanted to tell when I got the job, was Ben. And I couldn't.

It's only been what, a couple of weeks? Only now I'm starting to feel it – feel his absence. Sure, everything's happened fast: decide to actually do something to start off my plans, apply for a job, prepare for the interview ... it was all so hectic that it was even easy to leave out every other thought and to mostly avoid talking to people.

Obviously, I did answer my mother's calls – I didn't want Paris' australopithecine boyfriend to knock off my door again –, and my boyfriend's ones just so he wouldn't think I decided to break up without telling him, but in the end, I kept to myself. It was also the only way to cope. Because people would ask questions: where is Ben? How come he's not around anymore?

Anyway, the point was, after the interview I didn't know where to go and I didn't feel like going back home, so I did the weirdest thing for someone like me: I walked into a coffee shop, which is ironic considering I don't even drink coffee. It was vintage enough to attract my attention, not to mention the wall-large bookshelf full of books. I just like hang-out places with bookshelves, they give me the sensation that it's not for everyone's taste, which means it'll be cozy and tranquil. And this place was exactly like that that.

I was lucky enough to find a spot in the corner, right by the bookshelf, so that's where I went to sit, back to the window. I ordered a tea and a pastry just so they wouldn't complain, but I wasn't really hungry – I know, I know, how is it possible! One like me that isn't hungry! –, but I spent the past 10 minutes half replying to Valerie's texts, half deep in thought.

Am I happy I got a job even though it's just a paid internship? Yes. Am I happy that I'll finally do something related to my studies? Damn, yes. But at the same time, I don't know, I felt odd. I should be, if not happy, at least content. I have a boyfriend that loves me – a guy that, with all his quirks and awkwardness, is smart, kind, even cute and, amazingly (or appallingly, depending on the perspective) loves me. Of all women possible, Jeremy loves me.