Virgin Lips

19. Friends in need

It felt like eternity, but it only lasted a few seconds. Me not having the slightest idea how to kiss, it was obvious that it would fail miserably ... which it did. Ben didn't respond to the kiss, either shocked or disgusted, so I pulled back, feeling ashamed as my heart thumped and my head ached.

I kissed Ben. What the hell was I thinking! I kissed Ben even though I already knew too well he's not interested. Jesus, Joanna, why can't you ever do one thing right!

Letting out a shaky breath, I looked for a way out, but he was still kneeled before me, so I couldn't exactly run away from the embarrassment. I opted for just looking away, turning my head to the window on my right, hoping I could just be an ostrich and hide my head beneath the sand. I felt even dizzier than before, and kind of nauseous, not sure if because of the whole awkwardness of the situation or because I only ate a candy bar when I took the medicines – or just both.

Finally, Ben reacted. He heaved a deep sigh, hands at my sides without touching me. "Joanna ..."

There you go, my full name, bad sign. "I'm sorry." I blurted out, my face as red as a tomato. I felt myself hyperventilating, but not entirely because of the mortification. "I ... I shouldn't have. I'm sorry." I tried to take deep breaths, but my head was spinning faster now, and I really felt like I couldn't hold it in any longer – I was gonna throw up. I brought a hand to my mouth, "I need to ..." I pretty much toppled Ben as fast as I jumped up to run to the bathroom.

"Joanna!"

I faintly heard Ben call. I barely had time to kneel by the toilet that I hurled into it. It felt like I vomited everything I ever ate in my entire life. Much to my disgust, my hair was caught in it; I would have moved it away but it was already soaked in vomit, so no point. I felt my stomach tighten as nothing seemed willing to remain in it.

I heard a loud curse in the air, and when I felt my hair being pulled back, I noticed Ben was crouched beside me, an arm around me while his other hand kept my hair out of the way.

"Ben, no ..." I drawled out, not wanting him to touch that disgusting hair, as soaked as it was in whatever I just hurled into the toilet. But even speaking was enough to trigger another jet, so I lowered my head as much as possible to avoid getting any of that revolting liquid on Ben. Only after two or three more fits, did I finally feel like I'd entirely emptied my stomach. My breaths were hitched, I was sweaty and exhausted, not to mention reeking of that insufferable smell. And in all this, Ben was there to witness it. Ugh. As if it wasn't bad enough. "Ben ..."

"Take a deep breath." He said, rubbing my back.

I shook my head. "Go home."

"I'm not going anywhere. Now, can you stand?"

I nodded in response, but he didn't let me go. Instead, he helped me up, always holding me against him. Ben guided me to the sink, and after having grabbed a hairband from the mirror cabinet, he tied my dirty hair. I grimaced when I saw my reflection in the mirror. I looked hideous, with my face all puffy and red and sweaty, my eyes were also kind of red; and in all that, Ben still looked flawless. I looked away, ashamed, and freed myself from his grip. "Go away. Please."

Instead, he opened the faucet. "Don't be silly." He splashed some cool water on my face with one hand while the other rubbed tiny circles over my back.

"Ben ..." I sighed, exasperated.

"Shhh ... you just need some rest. But first, let's get you cleaned up."

"No." I said firmly, moving away from him. I was flushed and flustered, mortified and ashamed, but I had to do this. It's like I'm some charity case he's obsessed with. "You need to leave. Now." I tried to be as steady as possible, but I felt weak to my bones so even my voice was quivery.