Virgin Lips

34. Ellie and Elle

"You have ... what??" I whisper-yelled – because we were still in a public space –, eyes as wide as my cats' when they're in a mischievous mood.

Ben pursed his lips, yet without leaving my hand. I should have probably snatched it away, but part of me, as astounded by the depth of his lies and appalled by the enormity of his revelation as I was, I still was dying to know every single detail of the story.

And Ben seemed to perceived that – or probably read it all over my face, since I can never hide him anything, unlike him –, because he took a deep breath and, squeezing my hand, he started talking.

"As you know, Valerie and I kind of ... lost contact after high school."

I nodded, even though I wanted to remind him her version of the story: he ghosted her, plain and simple. Whichever the reason, whatever the bigger, greater distraction he found, he pretty much dropped his best friend right after they graduated from high school.

Obviously, she is a little dramatic, but in the end it is true. And these past weeks I thought I wasn't even surprised. Someone that is able to lie so blatantly to your face every single day for months obviously has no qualm in dropping you like a hot potato whenever it suits him. Cue my attempt at freeing my hand, given the line of thought my mind had taken.

However, Ben once more read me like an open book, and, squeezing my hand more – enough for it to become a tad bit red –, he scoffed: "Just listen, okay? No prejudices, no back-thinking, no jumping to conclusions, no deeming me an unredeemable bad guy just because of what happened between us." His tone was stern – the nerve!

"You can't come demanding after-"

"JoJo, please." Ben squeezed my hand and because I moved it a bit, hurt – in more ways than one –, he took the chance to entangle our fingers. His blue eyes were pleading with me, and as much cold as I always considered myself to be, I still had a hard time not melting. "I don't have a right to demand anything after what I did, I know, but ... can you please just listen? Once I've told you everything, you can decide whether you still want me in your life or not, but for now, just ... listen, okay?"

There wasn't much I could reply to that. I could have slid my hand out of his, without a word, which would have been the same as saying no, I do not want to listen, there's nothing you can say that may actually work. But maybe there is, that's the problem.

I thought and thought and thought, what could possibly drive someone to make up an entire life or at any rate hide key points of it? The only reason I could come up with – based on the evidence I had, namely the phone calls and his secrecy –, was that he was married. Because if someone claims to be gay, when it's not true, then having a whole family at home is the only possible explanation, no? "You have a daughter and a wife?"

"Joanna ..." Ben sighed, shaking his head. "Just halt that derailing train of thought of yours, for once, okay?"

"I thought you liked it, the fact that I am so ... creative."

"Of course, I do. But not right now. Right now, that overly creative mind of yours is what stands between us."

That's not the only thing, Ben, come on. "That's not true." I finally pulled back my hand. "What separated us are your own lies."

"That's what I'm trying to-"

"But what really stands between us, Ben, in your way, it's the fact that I do have a boyfriend." I stood. "Someone that loves me for who I am, not for the me he built."

"You're jumping to conclusions again." Ben scoffed, standing up as well.

I shook my head, rummaging through my wallet to get the money to pay for all my teas. "You have a daughter and a wife, what's there to add? There's not much room for assumptions when you present me with such a fact." I threw some money onto the table, hoping it would cover my bill, and stormed out.