Virgin Lips

29. Because it's you

BEN

"But what happened?"

I rolled my eyes for the third time, but I couldn't raise my voice, because Joanna was sleeping peacefully on the couch. Peacefully after having cried her heart out. "I'm asking you, Valerie."

She scoffed, loud and clear through the phone. "Well, you would know if you paid more attention."

"It's not my fault if I was busy."

"Busy doing what?" That accusatory tone, sharp yet with not loud – typical Valerie.

"Work, Val, what else?"

"What about your boyfriend?"

"My what?"

"Your boyfriend, the mystery guy you're always on the phone with, the one that's coming to New York soon ... the love of your life despite it being a complicated relationship, according to what Jo says."

What the hell. "What are you talking about? I don't have a ... I'm not dating anyone."

"Well, that's not what you told Jo."

"I didn't ..." I sighed, rubbing the bridge of my nose, "it doesn't matter, I'm asking you, what happened? Why is she like this?"

"I have no idea, she was fine last time I saw her."

"Which was?"

"I think ... on Friday? Maybe Thursday ... yeah, Thursday."

"No texting? Nothing?"

"Hey, don't come at me, Harris. Let me remind you you're the one that has a habit of disappearing out of thin air." She got on the defensive, as usual.

"I'm not accusing you, Val, I'm just trying to understand what happened." I sighed for the billionth time.

Valerie remained silent for a few moments, almost half a minute, then, she inhaled deeply. "Is it that bad? Last I talked to her, she was okay."

"Define okay." I demanded, knowing full well that Joanna is all too well used to hiding what she really feels.

"She seemed happy, you know, new hopes in a new life, a boyfriend, new friends and all." Valerie clicked her tongue. "The only cloud was you."

"Me?"

"Yeah, she was worried about you, you know. Like, he works too hard, he's been distant, is he okay ... that kind of thing."

"Oh." I had no idea she'd picked up on so much. I always focus on her, what she needs, how to help her, I've never really opened up about myself, except that day at the beach.

"She really cares, you know." Valerie said, and I could hear that accusatory tone in her voice again. "She cares a lot about you, Ben."

"I know."

"No, you don't."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Valerie sighed. "I don't think you fully grasp the depths of it."

"If you're thinking she ..."

"No, not that." Valerie cut me off bluntly. "I'm just saying, you have a habit of cutting ties abruptly, and I don't think Joanna can handle that." She inhaled deeply.

I remained quiet, knowing that it wasn't just about our mutual friend. Glancing at Joanna, I made sure she was still sleeping, then I spoke: "I'm sorry, Val. I never said it, but I am."

"Yeah, yeah, I know ..." she faked a laugh, "but it wasn't easy to get over it, you know."

"Val ..."