ANIDITA : A Life For Revolution

CHAPTER 15 : CONCILIATING THE CATASTROPHE

PART 1

Anirudh's p.o.v

Pyaar...

What exactly was I thinking? I mean, was I nuts to believe all that Som said? Wasn't it obvious that Bondita cannot love me? Still I wanted to believe the opposite! Still I thought it was the opposite! You're so stupid, Anirudh! You completely lost it then!

Of course! She loves someone else. Someone who's far younger than you. Someone who's not as old as you. Someone who's young, handsome and competent! But can he fit her the same way I complete the puzzle she is?

Oh forget it! Fitting her comes after deserving her. I want to know whether he's deserving of having my Bondita! I want to know who he is, what he is and how he is. I can't just stay quite and let her go with him without really checking out who he is.

Letting her go... Why is it paining so much? Wasn't this my plan, anyway? I was about to get her married to someone else, right?

"Pati babu"

A panicked knock snapped me out of my thoughts and I realize she was back to 'Pati babu' mode again. Oh! Wasn't it Birristira babu back then?

"Pati babu darwaza kholiye" she continued banging on the door.

"Bondita... Abhi nahi"

"Mujhe baat karne dijiye na"

I bet she's crying.

"Bondita meine kaha na?! Mujhe abhi tumse hi nahi kisi se bhi baat nahi karna! Please jao yahan se"

A sob left her lips and I dashed towards the door, only to stop in front of it and get hold of myself. No Anirudh, you cannot face her when you yourself is caged in a pool of uncertainty. You should sort out yourself before facing not just her but any other person out there. You're so pathetically destroyed inside but they shouldn't see that!

When the sniffing from the other end died down, I let myself fall to the ground - my back gaining support from the door behind me. I'll have to come to a conclusion.

It's not that hard as it seems. I don't love Bondita – not in that sense. Yes! It's all because of Som! His nagging made me believe the wrong thing. He was so persistent and that got my mind going his way. It was a moment of misinterpretation. Indeed, that was a misunderstanding! No, I don't love Bondita! There! That's done! Perfect!

I leaned forward and drew my knees closer to my chest. The memories came flooding down my mind and with every passing second, I felt the slash in my heart getting deeper and aching. I don't know why but a pang of guilt hit me from nowhere. I have no idea why I felt that way. It was as though something inside me knew what I failed to know. Like when you don't know that you know...

Anirudh! Remember! Sort yourself out! You don't love her, is that clear?! I kept reminding myself – forcing me to believe that was true. What the hell? That is the truth! Yes, that's the truth!

I don't love her that way. How can I? She's my little Bondita...

My Bondita...

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"Birristira babu"

She smiled up at me, her doe eyes twinkling with a sense of accomplishment – as though she's done something that made her super proud. She produced a certificate. Yes, a certificate. She topped the college! My Bondita fulfilled her promise! She's a Barrister now! Barrister Bondita Roy Chowdhary!