Misfits Series #2: Clear Your Heart

Embrace

“I did it.”

With a smile on his face he welcomed me with open arms, slowly, barely, I walked towards him as he hug me as tight as he can.

“You’ve fought well, it’s alright now.” His simple words were more than enough to comfort this heart of mine.

Dahan-dahan kong inalis ang aking kamay na nakabalot sa kaniya ngunit hindi niya ako mabitaw-bitawan. “I was worried for nothing . . .” He lets go of me hesitantly, facing me with concerned look that soon melted into a smile.

Sinubukan ko na hawakan ang ulo ko, suddenly realizing that there’s still glue, he chuckled.

I look like a mess don’t I? One word for you Akira, dugyot!

“Oh, sige! Tumawa ka, ulo ko mukhang pugad ng ibon—” He stepped forward studying me carefully.

“Oo nga,” aniya nito bakas ang pang-aasar sa mukha nito, when out of a sudden his face started closing in to mine, I closed my eyes . . . “Pero.” Dahan-dahan kong ibinuklat ang aking mga mata and out of nowhere, we were staring right into each other’s eyes.

“P—Pero?” pabulong kong tanong sa kaniya na may halong pag-aalinlangan.

“Uhm, ano, you might look like a mess right now, kahit parang hindi ka naligo ng isang linggo pero . . .” For a moment I could see how his cheeks reddened, stepping away as he looks back. “Aren’t you as beautiful as ever?”

Out of so much embarrassment, I punched him directly in the stomach. “I—Ikaw!”

“Anong ikaw? I—I was trying to comfort you pero sinapak mo pa ako? Mapanakit, ba’t mo ba ako sinasaktan both physically and mentally . . .”

“Mentally?! Ano kamo?!”

“Yeah, mentally, I’m basically crazy right now— crazy for you, goodness, how many times do I have to say it?” I laughed lightly punching him.

“Oh, ‘yan ka na naman!” He suddenly ran away, hiding behind the large kabinet.

“Ranz, how about you? How long, how long will I have to say ‘thank you’ to you, why do you need to be there when I need you . . . you drive me crazy Ranz.”

He took a peek, catching his pinkish cheeks. “Thank you? I don’t need your thank you, hindi ba puwedeng I love you na lang?”

I choked myself. “Mangarap ka, pero kidding aside . . . what can I do for you?”
“Be happy,” he muttered as he walk away from the cabinet, facing me. “I hope you see yourself the way I see you.”

“You must’ve misunderstood, hindi mo ata ako naintidahan—”

Bago ko pa matapos ang aking sinasabi. “No, I’m not, that’s all I’ve ever wanted, unbelievable right?”

“You are more than unbelievable, Ranz Gonzales, hindi talaga kita maintidihan . . .”

“If that’s true, I’ll continue to render Akira speechless until I die.” He giggled so endearingly as I caught myself staring at him, smiling the whole time.

And he, caught me red-handed, ang kaniyang ngisi ay abot tainga. “Are you finally falling for me?”

I crossed my arms and looked away. “I don’t know! And . . . what if I do?”
I could see how his eyes widen, the biggest smile plastered in his face. “True ba—”
I buried my hand to my face. “Wala! Hala ka d’yan, wala naman akong sinabi— bakit ka nga ba nandito?!”

He laughed obnoxiously, “It’s okay lang don’t worry, sabagay I’m so perfect naman— para sa ’yo.” What did he mean by that?! “And kaya kami nandito dahil gusto lang namin na . . . wala, gusto lang namin na nasa tabi mo, I asked them to buy your favorite snacks and let me tell you, ang tagal nila,” he uttered.

He walked right past me, heading to the door. “I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable, susuduin ko na sila para maka-kain na tayo—” Bago niya pa buksan ang pinto ay lumakad ako papalapit sa kaniya at agarang hinablot ang kamay niya.

“Wait lang! Saglit . . .”

He turned around quite astounded, “Hm?”

“Before you go, can you sing my song . . . just for this one last time?” He smiled sheepishly.

I grabbed my dearest comb from my pocket. “I don’t want to this to be the last time, pero mukhang hindi ko na masusuklay pa ang buhok mo, it looks like I lost my job.” His smile slowly faded, grabbing the other end of the comb.

The both of us smiled meeting each other’s eyes. “Pero Ranz, I think I’ll never regret this day . . .”

“After all.” I looked at the comb, as beautiful as ever.

“ . . . problems, struggles and pain creates a path that never existed, and yet we are still the one who chooses which to take, so I’m glad I understood . . . the past me has always blamed the world for all the things that had happen to me, never really thanked nor tried to see the purpose or the beauty of it, but now, I do.”

I looked up to him, with eyes full of nothing but gratefulness, tears started to fall.

“All because of you.”

He looked at me, so surprised na hindi ko na alam kung ano pa nga ba ang nararamdaman niya. “Ako na ata ang pinaka-masaya, suwerte, pinagpalang lalaki sa buong mundo!” sigaw nito habang sabay kaming tumawa hangga’t sa ma-ubos ang mga luha.

“Through loving others, I learned to love myself . . . so much more.”

“You are you . . . I don’t know any other people . . . just like you. I accept you, so let me . . . love you until my very last breath. Don’t feel alone for I am with you, right by your side, who’ll forever let you know, that you are not alone, because there’s ghost beside you too—joke! Even if no one is there, when no one believes in you, I will. So my dearest, don’t fret because you are not like the others, ‘cause I know, you are different, you are unique . . . because, you are you.”

His song ends with a warm smile. “You are you, Akira.” He held the comb and placed it in my hands.

“Despite all that has happened to you . . . even though I wished that I could do more, I’ll always be your number fan,” he mumbled as he walk towards the door, leaving a smile before he departed.

Thank you Akira . . . everyone, I’ve doubted everyone, even myself, but . . . look how far I’ve gotten.

“I am what I am . . . and I accept me.”
Right here, right now. This is my fight.
And for a moment I found myself staring at the mirror, mukhang tama si Ranz, mukha nga akong dugyot, but you know what you cares?

I grabbed the razor inside the cabinet, and with absolute resolute, my hair slowly falls out of my head, as each strand of it falls I never felt so free . . . like all the doubts and anxieties just disappeared along with my hair.

Exposing the condition that I was so afraid of, the real me . . . I love it, so much that I’ll never let anything . . . stop me from being me, not even myself.

“My enemy after all this time, was me, ako lang pala, at sawakas . . . matapos ang lahat, napagtagumpayan ko sa sarili ko . . .”

I held the comb and placed it in my chest “Rara, I hope you guide me, I love you.”

Staring right through myself, still unable to comprehend how light I felt, I was finally wearing the best accessory, this overflowing confidence of mine . . . this simple smile that I wear, seems so unfamiliar but so perfect.

I heard the door creaked open, and as fast as I can, I ran right infront of them, “Maraming salamat!”

With tears in my eyes, they ran to me, hugging me so tightly. “You are beautiful! And we love you very much!” said the three of them.

The acceptance that you’ve been looking for . . . can be found within you.

Accept you.

And as for me, I found it.

END