Misfits Series #2: Clear Your Heart

Makeup, Make-up, Make up

I’m sick of people saying, ‘I hope someone loves the real me’ when all they did was to hide their bad side just for the people they like to like them back, creating a persona that’s nowhere near the word, ‘real’.

But now that my own best friend is living into believing that statement, what can I do?

I immediately went to her place as soon as she called.“Ano nang gagawin natin, Akira?!” She walked back and forth not knowing what to do as I watch her tirelessly.

“Oh, gosh, kung kilala mo lang talaga siya Akira, super perfect! As in, grabe kung nakita mo lang, pati ikaw sigurado in-love na roon!” I was hesitant . . . pero tumango na lang ako, masaya siya . . . kaya dapat masaya rin ako para sa kaniya, diba?

Nag-simula siyang kalkalin ang mga damit at mga bistida na mayroon siya. “Anong magugustuhan niya? Anong type niya rito?”

“Pero Steph—” She looked at me with smiles I’ve never seen before, the smile of a girl in-love. “Nothing! Maghanap ka na bukas na ‘yan! Tulungan na kita.” Lumapit ako sa kaniya at sabay kaming nag-halungkat.

As I help her pick an outfit, I mean this is new, I once never knew this side of Stephanie, the excitement in her eyes, the smile that she wears, it’s too perfect, it’s perfect the way it is . . . but—

Do you need to do this, change and hide everything and still consider it as real?
Every time she uses that concealer, she realized a part of her is already covered . . .

A girl’s dream to transform like a butterfly, even though she knew the consequences that underlie . . . creating a persona that would make the guy fall for the persona she created . . . that’s not true love isn’t it?

“How far would you go just to be accepted and loved?” bulong ko sa sarili ko.

“Akira! Satingin mo ayos lang ba yung boses ko or masyadong mababa or matining—“ I looked at her with a smile that stopped her from talking.

She has always been there to help me, maybe . . . this time it’s time for me na ako naman ang tumulong sa kaniya.

“I think mas type ng mga lalaki yung sakto lang, ayos na yang boses mo,” aniya ko ngunit hindi nawala ang pag-aalala sa kaniyang mga mata.

Tumingin siya sa salamin, pilit na ngumingiti . . . lumapit ako sa kaniya at inakbayan siya. “Akira what if he doesn’t like me? What if I’m not his type . . . what if he doesn’t love me back?”

“Steph,” I called her directly surprising her. “You don’t need to change anything, you don’t need to please him . . . okay na ’yan, okay na okay ka na.” She walked towards me, her eyes avoiding mine.

Nasa harap ko na siya, pansin ang inis at galit sa mga mata niya. “Bakit hindi mo ako maintidihan? Can’t you even support me . . . Akira, kaibigan kita pero bakit parang wala lang sayo ‘to? She looked at me with tears at the corners of her eyes.

“Ang insensitive mo naman, Akira. Ngayon lang naman ako humingi ng tulong sayo pero bakit ’di mo kayang maging masaya para sa akin?”

“I want to support you in any ways that I can but this isn’t right—”

Before I could even hold her she walked away . . .

Tears gathered at the corner of my eyes, forcing myself not to cry. And as I try to speak my throat is hurts, words seemed to be stuck at my throat.

“St—Steph.” Tears started to fall as I look at her walking in a distance, seeing her tears drop on the floor.

I followed her silently until she went to the bathroom and locked the door, “Just go away!” I was speechless, I left her there and went home, clenching the bag I was holding, regretting almost everything.

Halos madaling-araw na ng naka-uwi ako, pilit na ginising ng pag-sisi sa lahat ng nangyari . . . paano nga ba ako makakabawi sa mga salitang iniwan na mukhang hindi niya makalilimutan?

I haven’t even slept yet the sun already rose up into the sky, I’ve decided . . . Stephanie, let’s make up!

As the wind’s cold breeze blows, closing to her house, I embraced myself searching for warmth, I saw her car in a distant, I walked towards it, and stopped stading in the middle of the road, hearing it get closer and closer . . . I closed my eyes and braced myself for impact.

Luckily the car managed to stop before it hits me, I heard it screeched loudly while my legs gave up.

“Akira!? Are you trying to kill yourself?!” Natanaw ko siya, dali-dali na lumabas sa kotse niya, papunta sa akin.

We both stared at each other silently but that’s all I needed. I hugged her, hugged her so tight that she won’t be able to escape my grasp.

“I—” Dahan-dahan ko siyang binitawan, she punched me lightly and chuckled.

“Sorry Akira, ah, masyado ata akong naging harsh!” Nagulat ako, dahil ako dapat ang nagsasabi ng mga salitang iyan, ako dapat ang humihingi ng kapatawaran sayo . . .

“Madaya ka talaga Steph, ako dapat ang nag-sasabi n’yan . . . pero bago ang lahat! May date ka, layas na!”

I pushed her away, and before she got into her car, she waved her hands, smiling crazily . . . crazy in-love, “Bye-bye!” I waved back, as she disappear in the road.
That’s right . . .

No matter how long you’ve been together, no matter how often you hang-out, misunderstandings and hardships will come and test how strong your bonds are . . .

I walked home breathing a sigh of relief, a hint of peace in my heart . . .
Matapos ang isa’t kalahating oras ay nakarinig ako ng sunod-sunod na pag-katok sa aming pintuan.

Agad ko itong binuksan at sumalubong sa akin ang lumuluhang mga mata ni Stephanie. “Akira . . . hindi niya ako gusto,” aniya nito sabay ang pag-yakap sa akin ng mahigpit.

Gently, I patted her head while I was force to heard her sobs and pain.
“True love will give you happiness . . . but looking at you right now, this is not the true love that you deserve . . .” She looked up, wiping her face.

“T-Tama ka Akira, alam mo ba yung kasama niyang lalaki . . . mas pogi pa sa kaniya,” sambit nito na habang ako’y napatawa na lang.

“Oh, goodness Steph, you never learn do you—” She punched me lightly.

“That’s why . . . you have to be by my side and remind me everytime! Dito ka lang sa tabi ko!” She smiled just like before, reminding me that . . .

That’s how life is . . . sometimes you’re wrong, sometimes you’re right, sometimes you’re happy, and sometimes you’re not . . . but no matter what happened, choose to move forward . . .

Dahan-dahan na siyang lumakad patungo sa kusina nang magbalik ang kaniyang ngiti. “Don’t worry Stephanie . . . just like you said, someone will love you for the real you,” I whispered only to myself.

I went after her and sat beside her, she eyes at me suspiciously. “How come you never talk about your love life?” Natahimik ako, pilit na pinag-papawisan at ini-iwasan ang mga pagtingin niya.

“Eh . . . ah, kasi wala naman talaga akong love life, diba? Tyaka sino bang mag-kakagusto sa akin?” It scary how her lips suddenly curved into a smirk.

Ranz? Why am I even thinking about him!?

“Nako, I’m sure you know who that person is . . . you’re just forcing yourself not to think of him, too obvious Akira,” she said forwardly making me blush— real hard.

“N—No! No, hindi siya— I mean sinong siya!?” She laughed slapping my arm.
“Oh, how I wish you were a boy, I hope I could find a guy version of Akira . . .” I chuckled as she pouts.

My head is itchy . . . I can’t help myself but to scratch it again and again, Steph went out to grab my hair but I stopped her by grabbing her hand.

“Don’t . . . baka mahawa ka diba, alam mo na ’yon! Uh, I’m okay! I still don’t know what this is, so it’s better for you to not touch it!” Her face darkened as I feel a bit guilty.

“O—Okay, as a friend, since hindi mo pa alam, maybe we could have a research, or consult a doctor or—” I reached for her hand.

“Stephanie . . . thank you.”

END