insanity

epilogue: favorite crime

365 days after his death
—
The rawness of my face still kills me to this day, dragging along permanent scars; only for them to remind me of the day I suffered harder than any other.

Everyday brought me more guilt, a melancholy mess. Looking back everyday, bringing harsh thoughts with them.
Never did a day go by that Wilbur hadn't crossed my mind. Not a memory of us I hadn't looked over a second or third time.

All the times we spent together on the roof of the van were not just fragments in my mind, ones that brought me pain and jealously.
Envy of the old y/n who spent time with him like that, times that were genuine.

Maybe my life would be different if Tommy and I looked farther into ourselves.
If only we had realized sooner that everything we both looked for in Wilbur, was inside of one another.

Only I cannot complain anymore, I am grateful for Wilbur. Despite all the pessimistic memories and feelings that took place over the past two years; I owed all the good moments to him.

Manipulation: a disgusting game, yet so alluring.

My life had gotten to the point where I craved it; a time where the only emotion I had felt was pain, I thrived on it.

I would be lying if I said everything Wilbur and I were wasn't built on manipulation and lies— which also seems to show that it would be a lie if I said it wasn't riveting.
After all the pain, it was one of the best era's of my life, proving to hold some of my greatest moments.

Each night I grew more desperate, though I knew I could never have Wilbur back, I continue to wish upon a star every night.
Like a little kid praying for their prince. It was my only hope; despite my knowledge that it could never bring him back to me.

Though deep in my brain I knew there was always a possibility; someone had that power over me.

It seemed as disasters followed me and my negative thoughts. Especially after everything that had happened since he was gone.
Tommy's exile, doomsday, the final disc saga— Loosing Tommy to the hands of Dream, for him to be brought back to life.
A constant state of grief, that continued to weigh a great toll on me.

Dream had the power; the revival book.

As I had done often, I took a stroll. Walking the same oak path I tread the day I met the man I would later fall in love with.

Only this time was different, a sensation of deja vu that was stronger than any other time I took this route. Oddly enough, it didn't feel negative like usual.

That was when I saw two familiar boys— Tommy and Tubbo, standing on the glass that laid over the gaping hole that was L'manberg.
Only this time they were joined by another boy— Ranboo, a lovely kid who I grew a strong liking to, who happened to be Tubbo's husband. They had also been joined by with a familiar blue sheep.

I am taken back at the sight of another man standing beside the three boys; assuming it had been any man that lived around here, I shook it off.

Though as I get closer, I hear Tommy yelling at the man, who also came closer to view.
The man is tall, his hair was long-brown and semi curly, though his hair had a streak of grey through the front. He wore a trench coat that was brown, with a yellow sweater sitting underneath. He seemed to have been injured as there was a bandage around his arm that had blood seeping through.
His posture reminded me very much of how Wilbur stood, proud and in charge.

Who was this? What had he done to earn the fury of Tommy?

I stand behind Ranboo, looking past his arm, holding it gently. Staring at this man with squinted eyes and a tilted head.

Had I been dreaming?

With disbelief in my eyes— this is Wilbur.

The man I longed to see for a year, there he stood. All of the attention turns away from him, other than my own; all eyes on myself.
My body begins to shake uncontrollably, Ranboo slings the arm I was holding onto, wraping it around my body to comfort me.

After all this time I begged, his breathing body stands in front of me once again. Something had listened to my pleads.
I loose stability in myself, all my weight held up by Ranboo. Beginning to cry, as my body has no other response to this.

He is alive and well; thankful I am, it's almost as all the grief I went through to be content with his passing, barely doing so— had all meant nothing.

He seemed to recognize me fast as he looks me up and down.
"Hello, m'lady," He extends his arm, gesturing a handshake.
"How I've missed you dearly."

Only now my voice doesn't work; I simply cannot speak. I reach my shaky hand out to his, not to shake it, only to feel the touch of his skin on mine once again. My brain attempting to comprehend the situation; he is back, I'm not dreaming?

He used it— Dream actually brought him back to me; like he promised.

With tears of joy still spilling out of my eyes, I leave Ranboo's grasp, running into Wilbur's.
Slamming into him with a large hug; still struck by his touch. He holds me tightly against his chest.

My love and I; reunited after a year, a bittersweet feeling.

Finally, our big 'happy' family— Tommy, Wilbur and I; together once again.
This time we will choose family, everytime. Only this time history will not repeat itself, I won't allow the events that happened in Pogtopia happen again.

Together, Tommy and I had gone through too much to allow any other disruptions; I believe Wilbur can help us achieve just that.

In this terrible, cruel word we live in, you can't take people you love for granted. No matter how insane you think they have became.

Since that day, I had regretted every decision leading up to it.

Now, this time I will always hold on, without a second guess that Tommy and I had done before.
We won't let go.

We live in a word of tainted promises, forged forgiveness. Everything I have couldn't get any worse, so I choose him, like I had everytime; other than the last, which proved to be my demise the first time.

Going into this knowing that Wilbur and I have the least conventional love there ever was.
Wilbur and I are soulmates, which only shows that our story wasn't anything as perceived in the books.

Our story, as contradicting it is to the textbook meaning of love itself, it sure enough was love.

So now our final chapter will commence, with the history of us that was destined to happen.
Wilbur and I will fight together through the next pages, until the end which we will conclude together.

At the end of the day, I was just a girl with a little motivation, who fell under the toxic drug of love, allowing herself to become naive to the touch of the power-hungry male.

Therefore, the story of Wilbur and I closes, it was never meant to be happy, we were never meant to be the hero's.
Which is exactly what we will choose; to seek revenge— allowing ourselves to be the villains, it's more entertaining anyways.