insanity

14| shattered ideals of what could've been

117 days until his death
—
I've began to find comfort in the bleakness of these freezing stone walls, as we try to scrape by. The most comfort you can find in our situation.

Officially one month in Pogtopia.

We've managed these past thirty-one days.
Techno being around made things a lot easier for us. He's created a potato farm for food, in addition to all his brains and strength he has also brings a vast advantage to our side.

Truly a great asset to our rebellion.

Dream has come around, he offered Wilbur help with all of this. All though I don't know the exact deal at hand, Wilbur and Techno have seemed to be quite fond of the idea.

We've been against him for long, yet now is not the time to hold grudges against enemies if they are willing to help us with the bigger villain. Despite how many times he's wronged us— we have a common target and all we need to focus on is that.

Wilbur has truly stuck to his promises, he was definitely a changed man. For good or bad, I'm not sure. Though he's definitely different.

He does lash out at Tommy a lot more than he used to— I can tell that Tommy is scared of him.

Tommy has always been the type that doesn't show his pain to anyone, no matter who you are to him. He's constantly hiding behind this loud, tough persona, though on the inside I can see all the bottled up fear and pain he's hiding behind his blue eyes.
Lately Wilbur brings out the side he tries so desperately to hide.

It scares me sometimes too.
At least it's not an everyday thing— right?
As long as it doesn't get out of hand, it seems alright. He's never truly crossed a line, so we are okay, I think?

We've managed this long before with pressure on us as hard as this, so why is this time so different?

I rethink over all of it every single day, trying to decipher what we could have possibly done wrong this time, none of it makes any sense at all.

We are only being dragged farther down, in the giant sinkhole we've created on our own.
We've run from so much, for so long.
The only thing we can do, the only thing we all know is to run.

So that's we do, and will continue to do.
We just have to keep running.
—
I spend majority of my time in Pogtopia, more or less because I rather the company here over there. Despite all the hostility that's arisen lately, It's no where as bad to how Schlatt treats me, even worse when he's drunk.

Tubbo has been a lot more successful in the spy job than I have anyways.
Schlatt trusts him with most of the secret intel, and therefore treats him a little better than me.

Today we have another planned meeting with him. Tommy is really excited as he hadn't seen his friend in a few days. The office has been very busy.

We all sit down on the cold floor. Tommy playing pass with the opposing wall to him. I light my lighter, then blow on it to watch the flame diffuse on repeat. Wilbur sits in the corner twiddling his fingers. Techno carving into the stone walls.
Looking like a group of misfits, in which we are.

All alone, thrown away from everything we've tried so hard to sustain. What a group, huh.

I turn my head, hearing clicks coming from the stairs. Revealing a brunet boy, in a tight suit, matching the one that Schlatt wears.
I immediately turn to Wilbur. The look in his face said it all, he was about to erupt.

Without greeting the boy, he instead questions him,
"What are you wearing, Tubbo?" His eyebrows furrowed, emerging from the darker corner to the area covered in yellow light. The orange flame twinkling a shadow behind him that was even taller than him.

"Oh." Tubbo looks down at his clothes.
"Just something Schlatt forces government members to wear now." The boy shrugs.

"It's disgusting." Wilbur states, blatantly.
Tommy chuckled at the way he said it, I slap  Tommy lightly on the arm with the back of my hand, giving him a look. The blond rubs his arm and passively turning towards the tension in the space, as it becomes a lot more serious than it ever was.

"Um-" Tubbo gets cut off before he can even start.

"Why do you listen to him, Tubbo?" Wilbur starts getting closer to him.
"Tubbo, I'll tell you this much. You're a yes man. You do whatever anyone tells you to do, no matter who they are to you." Tubbo begins to shuffle backwards.
"It makes me believe you aren't with us. It makes me believe that you're doing to us, what we've asked you to do to him. You're a traitor."
I watch as those final words burn into the younger boys head, scared.

"I-Im not! I promise— I'll do anything to prove to you Wilbur!" He shouts and pleads, now pressed up against the stone walls with Wilbur standing above him.

"Enough! Get off him, Wilbur!" I shout from my spot, until I rush over to Tubbo. Techno stands unfazed where he began. Tommy pressed against a different wall, looking to his untied shoes covered in grime— knowing how it feels.

I push Wilbur away into Techno's direction, to which he makes his way next to the pink haired man, holding his arms in the air as if he did no wrong.
"Are you alright?" I mouth to Tubbo silently, the boy nods his head as I grip him into a tight hug, pulling him towards Tommy.

The two sit on the floor, close to each other.
"We have no time to turn our backs to anyone, Wilbur! I will not tolerate this anymore. He has proved to us time and time again he is aligned to us." I shout to the man sitting across the cavern. His eyes stay trained in the floor, too uncomfortable about the thought of eye contact at the moment.
He knows he's wrong, I know he hates the way he acts. Though I also know he can't control it anymore. It doesn't make any of this right, yet it gives an explanation.

I turn to Tubbo, who's face sat blankly. He also comes as an escape to what he endures in the office for us. Only to have Wilbur treat him much like Schlatt must.
Knowing how Schlatt is like in the office as I've been a few times before, drinking constantly and treating everyone working there with churlish behavior.
"Would you like to share what you have?" I ask Tubbo lightly, all eyes on him now that were once on the floor, ensuing the tension.

"Uh. Yeah." He looks up, not at anyone in particular, more so the bleak walls.
"Schlatt has ordered a festival, in about a month. Everyone is invited, including y/n and Technoblade. The official invitations should arrive any day now." The boy states as if all of us weren't in the room, talking about us rather to us.

I look to Wilbur, a malicious look overtook him. He has plans— I can see it.

I'm stuck between it all, how can I fix it.
Can I fix it?