Metanoia

Shock and denial

Tobio stared blankly at the window to the outside world. The days seemed to go by in a blur and Tobio couldn't muster up the strength to care. He didn't know what day it was only that it was daytime. He had woken up because of another nightmare, the same one that had been haunting him.

It played in his mind, again and again, Tobio could see the car coming near but his mouth was shut close and he couldn't speak, couldn't warn his dad about the car. And before the car crash into theirs, he would wake up.

Shinsuke would come into his room and calm him down every night, it got to the point where his cousin would stay with him until he fell asleep. Still, Tobio didn't pay much attention. There were days where everything was slow and Tobio felt like he was stuck in a loop. It was the same every day, wake up, eat, medicine, sleep, then repeat. Shinsuke would sometimes open his window to let in the fresh air and Tobio was thankful for that.

Tobio wanted to talk to Shinsuke, he did but whenever he tried to speak his throat would close up and Tobio would forget what he wanted to say. There were days (?) when Tobio would regress into the same mind state he had in the hospital. He would deny that Miwa was dead and that his parent were on a business trip. Yeah, that was it that's why they haven't come back.

His father was a coach for a volleyball team so he had to be busy with his team, his mother was a nurse so that meant that she was just staying extra hours at work, and Miwa was studying in Tokyo so she could pursue her dream in hairstyling. That was the only reason as to why Shinsuke was here, they didn't want him to be alone, so they ask his cousin to stay with him.

He had wanted to ask why they never called but he shrugged it off, they were busy, and they needed to concentrate. Plus maybe their phones didn't work well, and they couldn't call anyone, right?

His father and mother were alive and healthy, they only received a few scratches and bruises, Miwa also only got a few cuts because of the glass, they will be back soon and once Tobio saw them he would give them a big hug to welcome them.

They are not gone, they will come right around the corner, happy with big smiles and alive.

But as days and nights pass, they never did.

Tobio ignored the small voice in his head that kept saying his family was gone, ignorance is bliss, right?

So why, why did that voice kept bothering him?

Still, that voice was always there.

Shinsuke would sometimes talk to him and he would never pressure him to respond. Tobio was thankful, his cousin's voice was soft, and it helped keep the small voice in his head quiet. Tobio didn't know how many days he had stayed in the hospital, but he was now in a soft bed and in a room that wasn't white. He had been here for a couple of days, but he couldn't tell how many.

To keep the small voice quiet he read books that Shinsuke had around the house, Tobio didn't read much but it did help. Even if he didn't pay attention to the words or to the one-sided conversation Shinsuke had with him, it was never enough to shut up that small voice. It would always return when he finished reading or when his cousin stopped talking.

The house was mostly quiet and the only noise that it provided was when Shinsuke would cook or when he cleaned the house.

His cousin was saying something to him but Tobio didn't care what it was, his voice sounded muffled, but it kept the small voice quiet. Shinsuke put down a few books and binders on the table beside the bed before telling him something then left. Tobio sigh and looked out the window, he saw a pair of crows fly by his window. They grew smaller and smaller as they flew away, something Tobio would never be able to do.