My Sunflowers

Naughty List

December 12th, 2020

Halloween came and passed, Thanksgiving came and passed, and Christmas would come and pass without my family seeing me. I hadn't seen them in almost four months and I knew at least a few of them were missing me like I was missing them. My mom called a few nights after Thanksgiving to invite Harry and me to Colorado for Christmas but I told her we couldn't make it. Harry was about to protest- knowing how much I did want to see them- but I quietly reminded him that his sister, Gemma, and Mom, Anne, wanted to join us here in LA. Sure I did miss them, and this would be my first Christmas without them, but I wanted to meet his family more, and I was scared of more past secrets coming out, I hadn't told him about.

"I think it would be good for us to go to Colorado for Christmas. I'll be done shooting in time and we still have to tell your parents about the baby," Harry had said to me after we hung up with my mom. But I really had no intention of setting a foot in that state.

The Christmas music was playing and I was dancing around the living room, much like I did every other day- it was the only thing keeping my mental state up, with the major body dysmorphia I had been facing lately- when Harry came in from another day of shooting. He only had about a week left in filming, and then his mom and sister would be here for Christmas. I had been cleaning the house all day and putting out some Christmas decor, to get ready.

"I love coming home to you dancing around," Harry said from where he was leaning on the wall, arms crossed in front of him, a smile on his face.

"I won't be able to for much longer," I said, rubbing my belly. I had been slowly getting bigger and I knew in about a month I would do what my doctor called 'pop' and get even bigger. WHich I was seriously terrified of. I walked up to Harry pulling his arms away from his body and wrapping them around my neck. "Dance with us?" Harry smiled, pulling away from the wall and leading me into the open floor of the kitchen. He began to spin us around, swaying slowly even though it wasn't the right beat for the music, but neither of us cared. We just liked being here together. As soon as the song ended a new one began. I right away knew what the song was, and so did Harry. I eyed him and he just shook his head. Liam had written a Christmas song that came out the same day Harry's song with Cam came out, so of course, I made Harry listen to it with me. He was going to support his brothers whether he liked it or not.

"Why won't you put out a Christmas song?" I asked, still eyeing him.

"No. Nope. I won't be doing that," Harry said, releasing me and moving back to the living room to sit down. I moved with him, taking a seat on the couch closest to him.

"Why not?"

"Because I feel like when writing a Christmas song you have to have real talent to come up with something new and not super overdone. That says something about Liam's writing skills. That is something new. I don't have the talent to write a Christmas song," Harry said, shaking his head, and I rolled my eyes.

"Well no. I don't know about that. Have you heard your own songs? You are this generation's Shakespeare. The words you write, it's poetry. You paint a thousand worlds with just one stroke of a pen. You amaze me," I told him honestly. Harry's cheeks went red as he used his large hand to cover his face, but through his fingers, I could see his dimple popping out. I took the opportunity to reach up and poke it. Before I could pull my hand away he grabbed it with the hand that was once covering his face. He intertwined our fingers pulling my hand with his and placing mine over his heart. I could feel how quick his heart was beating.

"Hey, don't get all shy and nervous now," I said, reaching my left hand over to his chin and tipping his head up so that he was looking at me. "I mean it. Every word. And I'm not just saying that because I love you. It is true. Ask anyone. And forget any haters out there. There are so few of them and their opinions don't matter. You are a true icon. You are making a statement in this world. You are making a change. I know you said in that interview in June, that first day we met on the lawn, you remember? You said, 'I can't control what anyone does but I wish everyone would treat everyone with a little more kindness.' You are doing what you can to try and change that. You are changing culture. I am so proud of you. You are making a better world for our baby to come into. She is going to be so proud of you too." I was shocked to see as tears began to fall from Harry's eyes. Harry had been watching as people came out to either support him or criticize him for wearing a dress on the cover of Vogue for December, but I was nothing but proud of him. Even though I, time and time again, tried to reassure him, I knew he was still upset about some of the comments that were being made.

"You had to go on and bring up Christmas songs didn't you?" He said as the tears continued to hit his beautiful cheeks.

"Oh baby," I said, standing up, my right hand still in his, my left leaving his face and grabbing his shoulder, bringing each of my legs to straddle his and sitting down in his lap. "Why are you crying, love?" Harry squeezed my hand, bringing it up to his lips placing a soft kiss onto my knuckles.

"I know that this is all really scary and neither of us was expecting this, but I wouldn't want to be doing this with anyone else," he said, bringing his empty hand up to my face. "Also, Thank you for making me a dad. I have always wanted to be a dad. I think I would make a good dad," he said, tears no longer there but a smile instead.

"You will baby, you will. Well, put aside the fact you just said dad three times in the same sentence. Actually don't put that aside. You'll have all the best dad jokes. You will be the best dad," I said with a chuckle, a smile wide on his face. I took my left hand off of his shoulder and used it to push his hair back and then placed it on his cheek, pulling his face to mine and kissing him. He was so pure. He was my angel and I couldn't wait to raise this baby with him.

"I think you should say yes to us going to see your parents for Christmas," Harry said, pulling his face from mine.

"I already told my mom no. And besides are you sure you'll be done filming?" I asked, knowing that he would be.

"You already know we will be done and any reshoots will be done in January."

"What about your mom and Gemma?" I asked, trying to come up with anything I could.

"I wasn't sure how your mom would react but what if we invited them for Christmas there too? Gemma and my mom already know about the baby, we still have to tell your parents. Maybe we can do that at Christmas?" Harry asked, trying to come up with something to ruin my excuses.

"Oh. Yeah. My mom will be super passive-aggressive towards me the whole time, but she won't say no," I said, quickly trying to wrack my brain for something else as to why we couldn't go see my family for the holidays. I already made it through my first Thanksgiving without them, why not go two for two?

"Are you done trying to come up with excuses or are you ready to just agree to go see them?" Harry asked, a cheeky smile on his face. I rolled my eyes at him. My hand was still on the side of his face so I gave him a gentle pat.

"Fine. Fine, we can go," I said, giving in.

"Good. Now go call your mom before you change your mind." Harry let go of my hand and brought both of his to my hip and leg, gently shoving me off his lap. This action made me laugh but I placed a shocked look on my face as I began to walk away shaking my head. "Oh, and you said 'she.' We talked about this! We don't know if the baby is going to be a girl, boy, or what it is going to be," Harry yelled after me.

"Yeah yeah yeah," I said. It's going to be a girl, I thought.

"Call your mom darling," he said, his voice growing slightly louder as I continued to walk out of the room and down the hall towards the stairs.

"Don't worry darling," I said with a giggle. "'ll call her but I'll have a million more excuses before we actually leave for Colorado," I said, my voice also growing.

"As I expected. But we're still going," he said loudly.

"Yeah yeah yeah," I said again.

"I love you," he yelled from the living room. "Both of you." An automatic smile grew on my face. I was lucky. He was something rare. Something only a few found. I was so glad I was one of them.

"We love you too," I yelled back, placing my hand on my stomach like I had a million times before.