Gem in the Rough

Chapter 41

These last few weeks have been so draining, I can't even blame Kieran for wanting time away from me. I've brought so much pain to his life. I know he says it's not my fault, but how can it not be? I should have just followed my dad's plans of working and going to school. No boys. I couldn't help it, though. Kieran is so beautiful, inside and out, and I couldn't stay away. I still can't. I don't want to.

I can't even wrap my head around the letter I found. Just from that letter, I could feel her. I could get a sense of her personality and how we would have gotten along. I feel like I would have gotten annoyed with her perkiness and disorganization, and she would have been irritated with my antisocial behavior and tidiness. It would have been amazing.

She was the sibling I always wanted and could never have now. I want to cry, but the tears have run out. I've shed so many recently that I feel numb to it all.

Right now, I want Kieran. I want to hold him and have him comfort me. I want to soothe him and run my fingers through his soft hair. I want to feel his breath against my neck, have his head on my chest where he likes it.

I don't want to depend on him but let's face it; he's my person. Yes, I'm using the Grey's Anatomy line, but it's true. He's my person and I'd like to think I'm his. I know it was Jillian first and I'm okay with that, but it's me now. I want to be everything he needs.

As much as this is what I want, I know it's up to him and I need to give him space to figure it out. I don't want to scare him away with how much I need him. I think about this as I get out of the tub and dry myself off with my fluffy blue towel. After moisturizing, I get dressed in some panties and one of Kieran's larger shirts that he left here for me, breathing in his scent.

I pick up my phone after lying in bed, the lights off. I didn't even eat dinner I realize, but I'm not hungry. I force myself to drink some water that's near my bed while I scroll through my phone, wanting a distraction. It doesn't come, so I press Kieran's contact and hit the "call" button.

As it rings, I begin to think it was a mistake. He doesn't pick up until the fifth ring.

"Hello?" It sounds like he was sleeping already.

"Sorry, you were sleeping. I can let you g-"

"It's okay. What's up?"

"Um. I just wanted to make sure you're okay. I didn't feel right after you dropped me off."

He's silent for a few moments, increasing my anxiety. I knew this was a bad idea. Actually, no. It's not a bad idea. I begin to talk myself up as the silence continues. He's my boyfriend and I deserve to know what's going on.

Even if he says he needs space, or whatever it is. Communication is essential and he's not doing it like he should. Yeah. My feelings are valid. I repeat this a few times, Stacey's voice in my head, to make myself feel better.

"Gemma?"

"Hm? Sorry, I was thinking," I mumble.

There's a slight chuckle coming from his end, perking me up slightly. "Yeah, I thought so. I just said that I didn't feel right either with how we left it. I'm sorry, Gem. I wanted to call you when I got home but the day just exhausted me, and I must have passed out."

I breathe out heavily and feel my lips begin to tremble.

"Are you crying, baby?"

I sniffle and answer, "no?"

"Shit," I hear him curse. "I'm so sorry. I-"

"It's okay, don't worry. I figured you just didn't want to be around me right now and that's okay. You deserve some space after everything I've done and brought onto you, so just take the ti-"