Pregnant Pause [H.S]

Chapter 18

Until

The buzz of my alarm woke me from a dead sleep. My eyes fluttered open with difficulty – my eyelids were like leaden weights, insufferably difficult to lift even after hours of rest. The buzz was like a drill to my eardrums and I knew I wanted to turn it off, but my body felt so heavy. So tired. So spent.

I wanted to stay exactly where I was, wrapped around Fitz, nestling her in a cocoon of warmth. I was hot, actually, but I didn't care. I just wanted to fall back asleep with her skin on mine, her limbs tangled with mine, her entire body fitting just so into mine.

How we'd remained in the same position through the night was a mystery to me. She may have shuffled here and there, but I'd been so tired, I didn't think I'd moved a muscle since the moment my head hit the pillow.

The alarm continued to ring, and I exhaled out of my nose, blowing softly on Fitz's neck. Regretting every move, I began to detach myself from her. I started with my legs, gently sliding my calves out from under hers. I shifted my hips, creating distance between us, before slowly untangling our hands, removing each finger one-by-one from where we intertwined. Just as cautiously, I slid my arm over her and rolled onto my back, where I extended my arm in a reach to the alarm clock. I sighed with relief when the sound no longer pierced my ears.

But then, lying with my chest open and facing up to the skies, I felt empty and ripped apart and cold.

It didn't take much for me to gravitate back to Fitz, curling up against her again, cuddling her close, burrowing my face in her hair.

"You're not gonna get up?" she asked, her words slurring with grogginess.

"I want to stay like this," I said against her neck, giving her a squeeze.

Her hand was much smaller than mine, but she covered my hand with hers and intertwined our fingers once more. She arched her back against me, holding her breath as she stretched, but then she settled back in to my embrace.

"You were so late last night," she said.

"I know," I murmured, clutching her tighter. I breathed her in, smelling myself on her.

"I wanted to see you, but I couldn't wait up."

"It's all right."

"I wanted to say I'm sorry," she said, bringing our clasped hands to her lips and pressing a kiss to my knuckles. "I didn't mean to make your day even worse. And everything I said... it just came out wrong."

"Let's forget it happened," I suggested, wanting nothing more than to do just that. I wanted to forget that phone call. I wanted to forget everything that happened after it, too. For the whole day to be erased from time like it never mattered and didn't count.

She nodded in agreement. Then she rolled over to face me, holding her breath and letting it go all at once, shrugging her shoulders into the warmth of my chest. I watched with hooded eyes as she pressed a kiss just below my Adam's apple, and I bowed my head to rest against hers as she placed another kiss to my collarbone. All the while, she dragged her nails slowly, delicately down my bare chest. My abdominals clenched under her touch, releasing with a grunt as her hands looped around at my waist and went to my back.

She hugged me tightly, body molded against mine, breathing into my skin. "God, I love you."

"I love you," I whispered in response, tangling a hand in her hair and kissing the top of her head. "I love you so much. I swear, I fucking love you."