Fight Back

Chapter 15: What's Under The Mask

           The hot water relaxes my body and it brings me at ease ,but it doesn't last. I feel like the water is melting off this armor I have on. The armor that's protecting me, and it gone so I feel weak. I start to cry hysterically and I can't hold back the tears.

           All the sadness I'm feeling comes out in a rain storms of sobs. I can't do anything but cry. I feel like I have been crying all day, but now the tears aren't hiding anymore. The tears are not stoping. I feel like I'm screaming in a crowd of people but they can't hear me.

      I am mute.

      My words don't matter.

      My thoughts don't matter.

      I am pointless.

      I am a waste of space.

       My body sinks in my stand up shower and cry alone with my thoughts. I am so tired. It feels like my body just wants to shut down. I want to skip the date and just crawl into my bed and sleep forever.

        When I feel the water has suddenly change from it's once hot temperature to a glacier cold, I get up and leave the bathroom. I can't have this over me all day. I have put a smile on my face for everyone. This heavy cloud can't stay over me maybe, if I pretend there is sun there will be one day.

       'We will be strong.' Alice motives me.

       I look down on my bed to see the outfit Lilly has lay out for me. It's a simple white oversized shirt with a tan cardigan over it with some ripped blue jeans pairing it with dark browns booties. I mentally thank Lilly for respecting my wishes about my preferences and start getting ready.

******

       "Bowling?" I ponder the word in my mouth when Luke, and I pull up in his car at a bowling alley. 

      "Yeah. Do you not like it?" He ask with some nerves in his voice, he's worried that he already messed up this date before it even starts. 

       "No I do it's just. It kinda a cliché thing to do on a first date." I say with honest.

      I mean when you watch a romantic movie a lot them involved the couple doing cheesy stuff like bowling. Luke laughs at me when he walks out the car to my door to open it and I blush, he did this when he picked me up. 

         'I think it cute and so is our date.' Alice puts her two cents in

         "Your funny. I wanted to do something fun. I can't let you think I'm boring." He jokes when we walk in together as he holds the door for me. We walk up to the counter to see a pretty blonde working the desk, and when she sees Luke the flirting begins. 

         "Hello, How may I help you?" The blonde ask in a soft baby like voice trying to appear cute while batting her eye lashes. 

          "Hello, a lane for two please and a pair of size 10 shoes with...." Luke trails off and sets his gaze on me. I look down at my hands and mutter, "six." in a quite tone. 

       There is silence for a uncomfortable amount of time so I look up to Luke eyes and he seems confused, but goes back to the blond when I give him a small nod. 

           The blonde looks like she want to drill holes in my head, and I have half a mind to give her a piece of my mind but decide not to and look back at my hands. I feel like I haven't change either like my father.