Promise? [{CLEXA AU}]

Chapter Twenty-Three: Ruth

 
   "Lexa, how is your week?" It's the question Ruth always started with. It had been a week since she asked Clarke if she would tell someone what took place in the elevator. She wasn't able to take any elevator through out the school with out thinking of Clarke's lips. The of confusion before she dove in with the same intensity.

     "It's been great ." Lexa lied. She believed Clarke wouldn't tell but still she was paranoid. Paranoid someone knew, paranoid someone was reading her thoughts and know she couldn't get Clarke out of them.

     It was wrong, it was really wrong. She couldn't do this to Clarke. It would never work. Plus Clarke had told her she was straight, therefore it was time to get Clarke out of Lexa's thoughts. Focusing on getting Ruth to believe her.

     "That's great Lexa... How's Anya doing?" Lexa just wanted to be done. It took everything she had to get through these meeting. They ruined her, no mater how far she shoved back her true self, they took a piece of her each time.

     "She's doing good, but I know she misses home."

     "Do you?" Ruth asked.

     "Do I what?" Lexa responded with her own question.

     "Do you miss home?"

     "Yes." This wasn't a lie, she did miss polis. She missed the tower, the shops, the food, the people, and most of all traveling around the country.

     "If you show progress this year maybe some restrictions will be lifted for the summer." When Lexa was home she was barely allowed to move around the tower freely. It was rare when she would get to move around the city.

      Lexa shrugged in response. The next question was expected but it hurt none the less. They would do this every time. "How about we go through it again?"

     Lexa nodded, there was no getting out of this. "I met a girl in the city... we grew close, and fell in love..."

     "You mean, the devil told you to be rebellious, and go against your fathers expectations." Ruth interrupted. Lexa nodded and continued.

     "We were in my bed together when my father walked in... and he was furious. So he sent me here." She pushed back the tears wanting to come out, she hated this part.

     "And what was this girls names." Ruth knew what it was.

     "Costia." Lexa responded distant, no emotion showing.

     "What happened to Costia."

     "She was sentenced to death."

     "Why Lexa," Ruth pushed.

     "Because of me."

      "That's right, Costia died because of you. The act of homosexuality you two committed was illegal. And your lucky your father sought to change that in you or else you would've died with her. God will help you if you let him, he will guide you back to heterosexuality."

     "I know, the homosexuality was rebellious and an act of the devil. But I feel god guiding me back." Lexa lied, she knew the truth, she knew she couldn't change, but she need the to be over.

     "Very good, pray with me and then we are done." Lexa bowed her head as Ruth took the lead. "Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for guiding Lexa back to heterosexuality, thank you for saving her from the devil. She still has a lot of work but I'm honored to be helping her. We pray She will no longer feel her homosexuality urges and act on them in rebellious ways. We know that soon she will be be back in you full Grace. Amen."

     "Amen." Lexa repeated.

      "I'll see you next week Lexa, you are making such great progress. Lexa left Ruth's office heading back to her dorm before the next class. It hurt every time talking about Costia, it was true, it was her fault she was dead. They should've been more careful, they shouldn't have done anything at all. She couldn't do the same for Clarke. No matter how much she wanted to run to Clarke, to kiss her, to lay in bed next to her, she couldn't.

      But when Lexa saw her that night a few weeks later, tears streaming down her face she forgot it all and ran to comfort her. Clarke needed her. She had to figure it out but that night she decided to leave it up to future Lexa.

    Lexa guided Clarke to the dock and sat down, Clarke taking her place next to her. Her head leaned on to Lexa shoulder, they were silent, looking out onto the ocean. The sun getting lower in the sky.

     Lexa felt eyes on the back of them, she called out. "Raven, Octavia, leave us." in her commander voice.

      "Fine..." she heard raven say disappointedly.

     "Thank you." Lexa yelled after hearing them start to walk away. Lexa hesitated for a moment saying anything else. She knew it was a bad idea, clarke could end up hurt or worse, dead. 'Problem for future Lexa,' she reminded herself. "So...what do you wanna know?"