chapter 20

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"Hoseokie, do well. Eat properly. Take care of yourself. And don't catch any bad habits. We are not that rich, i'm sending you off to catch those big opportunities. I hope you understand. Life would be easy if you find a good job and marry a nice girl. Not trying to burden you, just reminding you of your responsibilities."

That was a huge lecture Hoseok's mom recited over and over everytime her son mentions about leaving in a few days. He too hopes things go well. He wants to grow too. Be the best, do it all and win the world. But one word that caught his mind was 'responsibility'.

He is not sure what his mom is implying to. She was a single mother, doing three jobs to pay for her child's fees. Now that he has a scholarship, he doesn't have to worry. She even promised to send extra money for the rest of the expenses. He couldn't wish for more. No one from rest of his family had supported them. Nor did they have anything to do with them.

He was sure she meant earning a good amount and keeping her happy. That were his responsibilities. But finding a nice girl? He is not sure about that. He is a seventeen year old small town boy with a single hard-working mom, living in a cheap rented house. Was he even allowed to think out of the box?

"Mom, what if I don't want to marry a girl?"

He asks shyly. That's how he was, shy and sweet. Mama's boy.

"Why? Do you not feel the need to be with someone? Like, someone of your own. To spend your time with."

She asked quietly. She had learned how to cope with her not so talkative child. She knew his bright sides and his insecurities. And that made her heart ache. Even if he was allowed to do whatever he wanted, he always thought rationally. Maybe being poor teaches you to let go of a lot of things.

"It's not like that. I have you, it's not like i'm lonely. But- when.. If..  I find someone and umm.. what if it's not upto your expectations?"

He still asks indirectly. Regardless of the judgemental people around him, he was hundred percent sure he was into men. He wanted to date girls at first when he just turned 12, because all his classmates wanted to. Peer pressure ofcourse. But being the not so privileged child, he was shy with heavy insecurities about his social class. And that lead him to a lot of self inspection and analysis on how to be better on your own.

That's when he realised, that he was different. He was special in a sense.

"And what are my expectations? "

His mother asked. She had always supported him. She did two extra jobs to pay for his dance academy. So she knew better than to look down on her child for his choices.

"I don't know, just like other mom's expectations."

He said not fully revealing what he means.

"Can you tell mama what's on your mind?"

She smiled, oh so calmly.

"Umm.. mama.. what if I like boys?"

He said after long minutes of contemplation, in a single breath. He didn't want to hide anything from his mom. Though he hid almost everything from his mom, from his torn shoes that he wore for five years straight to how he got low grades at school because he used to do a job. If it wasn't for his dance skills, he would be damned.

She just smiled like his words were the most natural thoughts that existed.

"What do you mean by what if? Do you like guys?"

She raised her eyebrows in a teasing manner.

He didn't know if he should regret or go on with it, lastly nodding his head.

"Did you find someone for yourself?"

"No."

He replied without even thinking for a second.

"Are you scared? It's not a normal thing, you know. It's not how everyone around you is. Are you ashamed or anything..?"

"Should I be mama?"

He asked in a small voice. He didn't know, maybe he knew. He just wanted his mom to confirm.

"What do you think?"

She asked back.

He just shook his head.

"A person should not be judged for how he is born, it isn't his choice. What we are responsible for is what we make of ourselves after we find out who we are.."

Hoseok still remembers what his mom used to tell him when he was little. Being poor wasn't their choice. They were born like that, but that didn't stop his mom from giving her son whatever he needed nor did it stop Hoseok from dreaming big. He loves that about his mom's teachings. She taught him wisdom. She always asked him, what he wanted to do. Not telling him what should be done. Because different people have different choices.

"That's my baby. So you should not be ashamed or scared of liking whatever or whoever you want. Your mama might be a little poor and the people around us a little stupid, but I am quite a cool mom you know. Like, they say in your dance class.. swag..!"

Hoseok giggled like a 7 year old child. He really appreciated this about his life. That someone would always be by his side and not burden him with unnecessary expectations.

Being a single mom, she had adapted to every new trend the kids comeup with because she had only one human to impress and nurture, and that's her son. Rest of the world never mattered to her.

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