You brought light into my life. But now, I don't want to be alive.

Chapter 1 (Cause i suck a titles)

Notes:

Welcome to my first EraserMic fanfiction!! There's gonna be a ton of angst down the road so just be aware! ⚠️WARNING⚠️ This fanfiction has self-harm and suicidal thoughts. Please proceed with caution.

The USJ attack took a toll on Aizawa's health. Not just physically but mentally. Ever since the attack his life became more stressful than it already was. Recently he had picked up smoking again, to try and relieve stress. The smoking turned into a habit and smoking excessively became the norm for Shota. But the smoking wasn't enough.

Aizawa was quite lonely and isolated already, but having one of his only friends- if he even could call him that, was hardly around due to him having a new girlfriend. It broke Shota's heart each time he saw the male have new girlfriend. Sure, he had Nemuri who was by his side at times, but he preferred Hizashi. Shota had been in love with the male for almost fifteen years, and not once, had the other man even given the slightest interest in being with Shota romantically.

The smoking continued, but he also found himself drinking more often. Not on school grounds of course, he was a good teacher. But at home when he could, and sometimes on patrol, he spent most of his time intoxicated.

A few months had passed and he was perfectly content with his current way of living, no matter how lonely or sad he felt, the drinking kept his mind off of his loneliness. Hizashi had invited him out for drinks. Of course Shota came along, he loved the company of Hizashi, even if he was quite loud and annoying. Plus he was stupid if he were to turn down free drinks.

Shota arrived at the bar 30 minutes late seeing the blond sitting at the bar with his ridiculous getup in leather. He wondered how he even got his hair to stand up like that.

"Eraser!" Hizashi called out to him, waving at him to come over.

Shota made his way over slowly taking a seat next to Hizashi. Apparently he had saved the seat for him. "Mic." He mumbled as he took a seat

Hizashi smiled and pat Shota's back "Hey! It's been a while hasn't it! Well, I mean sure we've seen eachother around the school, but not in a setting like this for a while."

Shota shrugged "I suppose not," he said before ordering himself a drink and pulling out a cigarette out of his pack. He only had two let in the pack, he should probably stop by the store later and get more.

Hizashi watched as Shota did so. "Jesus, Sho... when did you start smoking again?" He asked seeing the almost empty pack

Shota cringed as he heard the shortened version of his name come out of Hizashi's mouth. "Don't call me that here, Yamada. It's Aizawa or Eraserhead." He said bluntly.

Hizashi frowned as he heard his friend. "Oh come on, eraser." He chuckled, "Don't be like that." He wrapped his arm around Shota snatching the cigarette out of his mouth and bringing it to his taking a puff before putting it out and leaving it in an ashtray.

Shota frowned hearing his words "Be like what?"  his eyes widened as he watched the male bring the cigarette to his mouth. "You owe me a fucking cigarette." He said reaching for his glass of alcohol as it was brought over, taking a drink.

"I dunno, you're just acting cold to me all of a sudden... I mean, don't get me wrong, you're not that sociable of a guy, but normally you're a bit nicer to me than you are right now." Hizashi said removing his arm from around Shota and taking a drink from his own glass.

Shota let out an exasperated sigh feeling frustrated "I'm not being anything but my normal self, Mic." "Maybe you just forgot how I am because you hardly see me anymore, due to you having that girlfriend you're always with."