A Long Hunt

Slow Recovery and a Gentle Hand

They landed in their motel room with a bumpier drop than they expected. Gabriel apparently wasn’t so hot with his landing skills.

“Ow, fuck.” Dean swore as he over balanced himself and stumbled backwards into the table behind him.

Castiel somehow managed to remain on his feet, but only barely as he too landed unstably.

“Are you alright Dean?” Cas asked in concern as he quickly recovered and rushed over to help Dean up.

“Y-yeah I think I’m good. Nothing’s broken so I think I’m fine.” Dean said as a smirk slowly built on his face. He reached up gratefully to grasp Castiel’s hand as it was extended in his direction. “Zapping places is one hell of a way to get rid of a boner though…” Dean chuckled he looked down at his pants.

Cas laughed and said, “Yeah, I guess that’s one way, but I know a way we can fix that little problem.” He tried to wink at the end for emphasis.

Dean snorted in amusement and stood slowly, brushing his pants off, as he looked up at the angel in front of him with love in his eyes.

“We sure are a fucked up pair aren’t we…” Dean mumbled, with the hint of a smirk still trying to play at the corner of his lips.

“We’re a little damaged, but we complete one another.” Cas said with a sad smile before adding, “I love you Dean.”

There was a small silence between them before Dean whispered back, “I love you too Cas.” In a slightly choked whisper. Dean bit his lip and suddenly looked down at the floor beside his feet. He was pointedly trying to avoid looking back up at Cas.

“Dean what’s wrong?” Cas asked with concern. Now that Crowley was gone for real this time, it was time to spend every waking moment trying to heal Dean and restore him to the joyous man he had once known.

Cas knew that Dean’s tough bravado was just an act. That fact was becoming more and more evident now as Dean’s body seemed to cringe a little, trying to recoil from some unseen pain.

“I-I have something I need to tell you.” Dean mumbled as his lip began to quiver slightly.

“Dean? What is it?” Cas asked warily as he stepped closer to Dean, wanting desperately to give him a hug and squeeze all the sadness from his body.

Cas froze slightly when Dean turned away, signaling that he didn’t want Cas to touch him. Dean was starting to worry him again. Maybe he was much worse than Cas previously guessed.

“I-when I was a demon… there… there was this girl…” Dean whispered in a broken voice.

Castiel’s heart seemed to stop as Dean’s words rang in his head. This couldn’t be going where he thought it was going. Castiel’s knees felt weak as he waited for Dean to continue. ‘Please don’t let this be happening.’

“I-I met her at this bar. I was kinda drunk and… I guess I was just looking for a fuck and go.” Dean paused again.

Cas saw his whole world fading around him. ‘This couldn’t be happening.’ He thought he might collapse and turn into a puddle of mush right then and there.

“I-we- we ended up going back to her place and I-I kissed her a lot. We nearly- but I couldn’t… I saw your face in my head. I couldn’t hurt you like that. Even then… so I left… Then I-I… I killed all of those people…” Dean voice was a whisper so quiet that Cas had to strain his ears to hear Dean at all.

Cas didn’t know which he would have preferred; Dean killing all those people or sleeping with someone else. Cas knew both things would have equally damaged the hunter. Dean would have hated himself for being unfaithful, but now he just hated himself for being a murder. There really was no way to win this battle.