The shadow assassin (steven universe reader-insert)

Chapter 36.

Steven:Is that... the same episode from three days ago?

Peridot: There's more than one?

Steven:Ummmm... nah. (shrugs*) Oh, you made a picture. (reaches down to pick up a paper in front of Peridot*)

Peridot: (quickly grabs and holds up the paper, revealing a shipping chart*) Picture? This isn't just a picture Steven! It's a complex chart cataloging the compatible characteristics between campers. Somehow, the rejects at "Camp Clod" fail to recognize the superior pair that is Pierre and Percy.

Steven: Well, that's because Paulette likes Percy.

Peridot: Paulette? Ha! Paulette has no place in the camp's hierarchy. Now Pierre, Pierre is a brute, Pierre laid waste to the three legged races! Pierre and Percy present the strongest battle formations, they'd destroy the camp!

Steven: You got all this from one episode?

Peridot: It's... subtext Steven. Allow me to explain.

The flashbacks suddenly pause, returning to Steven in the present, listening to Peridot's logs while eating chips.

Tape Recorder (Peridot): "Well, first of all, Percy and Pierre are on the yellow team, and als-"

Steven: (annoyed*) Ugh, I remember this part.

Steven presses the fast-forward button, speeding through the log Peridot energetically explaining her theories.

Tape Recorder: (Peridot) (sped through*) "Percy is using his pogo stick to save her. Not to mention Percy is adept at aquatic sports. He would have won the canoe race if he weren't so busy drooling over Paulette, and the other part where Percy goes to the bottom of the lake to get Paulette's friendship bracelet proves that he has the largest lung capacity in the entire camp! And Pierre is a force to be reckoned with on land, when he hung Bunk Seven's underwear in the tree, the whole-"

The tape then stops fast-forwarding at this point and the flashback resumes. Steven is asleep on couch while Garnet sits in to listen to the end of Peridot's explanation.

Peridot: ... And that's why Percy and Pierre are objectively the best for each other!

You: (smiles*) Peridot, it doesn't matter who you shipped to be honest.

Peridot: (irritated*) What?

You: It doesn't depend on the fans, it depends on the creator of the show. So, it's useless even if you make a lot of reasons to ship two characters. The creator can do whatever it wants and there's nothing you can do about it.

Steven flops off the couch, still asleep. Peridot was about to yell at you but garnet gives Peridot a thumbs-up and Peridot tears up her chart while screaming angrily.

Fast-Forward,At the Barn*

You, Iron and Pearl is working on the drill while Garnet watches on and Peridot records in her tape recorder.

Peridot: Log Date 7 13 2. Progress on the cluster drill is going optimal, surprisingly. Though I have a few complaints on the work ethic of-

Amethyst: (suddenly pops in, shapeshifted as Lion*) Heyyyy!

Peridot stiffened, startled by Amethyst, giggling in delight.

Pearl: Amethyst, really. (lifts up her welding helmet*) This is no time to be fooling around.

You: (you lift up your welding helmet*) Pearl is right, amethyst. We need to stop this cluster as soon as possible so that we can find lapis as soon as possible.

Iron: Why, what happened to her?

You: You know, she and jasper fused with each other but it's kinda like they're abusing each other through their fusion.