because he didn't love me

why i don't eat

Dear diary,

I don't eat

ever since the start of the band all the boys have been working out and I have been as well but it hasn't seemed to work how it has for them. They all look so stunning and all have six packs and everything a man wants, especially Harry he looks so incredibly good....

I just stayed the same my waist is curvy and my ass is way too big and even though I kept working out nothing had change so I stopped eating.

some fans even mentioned that I was looking fatter than the other boys so not eating is a good idea. Maybe now I will look good it might make Harry like me.

It's just I'm really hungry

The last time I ate enough in a day was last year since then I've been skipping most meals I eat enough so that the boys don't expect anything.

The only thing is now that Harry is in my room right now he's going to ask if I want to go get breakfast with him...what am I going to do.

I can hear Harry getting out the shower so I've got to go come up with an excuse, I guess I'll write in here later about what happens.

Louis put the diary into his suitcase quickly as Harry walked into the room wearing the same clothes he had yesterday "I'm just going to go change into some fresh clothes and then maybe we can get the other boys and grab some breakfast together before we get on the bus" Harry questioned, Louis nodded and Harry left the room. Louis decided to pack all his stuff and get it onto the tour bus so he wouldn't have to do it after breakfast.

As he packed he tried to come up with a plan, he decided that he could eat some fruit for breakfast, he would have a small sandwich at lunch and then when the bus stopped for dinner he would just pretend to be asleep. As he left the room Harry came out of his room "I'm just taking my bag down to the bus and then I'll meet you guys in the restaurant" he said walking down the hall.

Once he was done Louis went into the restaurant. He grabbed an apple and some grapes and went and sat down with the boys who all had plates full of food "do you not want to get anything else?" Liam asked looking at what Louis  had "no it's fine I had a big dinner last night" Louis lied, none of the boys questioned it as they all had dinner in their own rooms last night so they wouldn't know he was lying.

He managed to eat the food he had in front of him and turned down any of the food that the boys offered from their plates. Once they were done they started walking towards the tour bus "are you feeling okay you haven't been eating much recently" Harry whispered as they got outside "yeh I'm just tired and haven't really had much of an appetite but I'm okay I've been filling up on snacks" he lied again. "Okay just let me know if something's wrong" Harry smiled as the other boys ran off to get their bags and Louis got onto the bus.

Once the other boys were on the bus Louis got up and walked towards the beds "I think I'm going to go watch a film on my laptop for a bit I'll come join you guys later" He smiled as he pulled the curtain across between the two sections of the bus. Louis could hear them all talking and laughing about stuff that had happened the last few days. He quickly opened his suitcase and got out his diary before shoving the suitcase away and laying down on his bed.

So I ended up eating an apple and a few grapes...I think it's getting bad now. At first I was only planning on eating healthy things but now I'm cutting down on meals and the amount I eat.