because he didn't love me

why i feel sad

Dear diary,

I feel sad

I don't know why I'm doing this, she said it would help me sort out my feelings if I write them down.

Today was my 3rd therapy session and I still haven't told the other boys what's going on. I should probably tell Zayn, he would understand, Liam would probably give some good advice and Niall would definitely try his best to make me laugh. I just can't seem to tell them though.

I can't tell Harry thought, he can't know that I'm in love with him.

So there you go, that's the big secret I guess. I Louis Tomlinson....love Harry Styles.

But unfortunately he doesn't like me back, I mean why would he.

I'm the worst in the band, my voice is different to theirs and they all tell me it's unique and special and that it's so good....but then why does management not let me have solos.

I'm clearly not the best looking, Harry definitely is, but me I'm nothing special. I mean men shouldn't have curves like I do I just want them all gone, and my voice is a lot higher than the other boys.

Sometimes I think the band would be better with out me.

Anyways I've got to go, Zayn tells me we have another meeting in 5 minutes so I guess I'll finish this later tonight.

Louis closed the book and shoved it in his drawer and locked it so that no one would find it. He had been in love with Harry since the day he met him, the day that Harry peed on his shoe. He remembered the day perfectly even though it was now three years ago. He remembered Harry's voice as he said the first word "oops" and he always remembered the smile Harry had when he had simply replied with a small "hi".

"You alright mate you've been really quiet recently?" Zayn asked as they walked down the hall the other boys joining them periodically as they walked towards the office of their management "yeh I'm okay just tired you know" Louis said with a small and very forced smile. "Okay, well I'm here if you need to talk about anything" Zayn said with a sympathetic smile, "what's going on?" Liam asked over hearing what Zayn said all the other boys heard and turned around. "No everything is fine" Louis said.

After a very long meeting they left the office "you guys want to go play a game of footie or watch a film?" Niall asked, everyone nodded apart from Louis "I will join you guys in a bit I want to call my mum first" he said before walking off towards the hotel room. "Is he okay?" Harry asked as they started heading downstairs to go outside, "I'm not sure but whenever I ask him he just says it's nothing" Zayn said, "I'll go talk to him tonight" Harry said.

When Louis got back he went over to the drawer and unlocked it taking out his notebook he laid there and read over what he already wrote and just thoughtabout what he was going to put now.

Hey I'm back. Fuck this is so stupid I'm a  22 year old man with a diary but my therapist thinks it will help so I guess I'll write about the meeting.

Simon said that me and Harry needed to stop sitting together in interviews and we need to interact less on stage. I really hate it but it will probably help me get over my crush on him.