Ineffable

38 | FEELINGS ARE MESSIER THAN MY ROOM

"Anything that's troubling you?" She emphasizes a lot on 'troubling'.

"Nothing is troubling me," I say, waving it off.

"Oh, really. How was the friend date, Iris?" Before I know it, my face has already given away the truth as she smiles. "So, it is Noah."

"I didn't say anything about Noah-actually, I didn't say anything!" I say back, trying to hide my smile at his name.

"Please, I am your mother. I pushed your eight pounds body out of me." Then, she smirks. "So, what about Noah?"

I sigh, flopping down on my pillow and hiding my face in it. "Feelings are complicated things."

I hear Mom coming towards me and sitting beside me. "They bloody are."

"I can't like him, Mom," I say to her, looking up from the pillow.

She gives me a confused look. "Why?"

"Because... he is Noah. You never know what is going on in his mind. He has too too many secrets and... I can't like a guy who I don't know really well. Also, Caleb! He hates-yes, he hates Noah with some unfathomable energy and I don't know why as he never tells me anything now."

I look at Beast and say, "Also, because... I don't want to get my heart broken again, Mom. The last time that happened, I was miserable-I don't want to go to that place again, Mom. Not again."

She starts to caress my hair and I lean into her soothing touch as she says, "Iris, honey, feelings are complicated and messy things. When you feel them, it will bring up a lot of emotions. There will be commitment issues, complications, and lots of fights but... in the end, those bloody messy things may give you the perfect you never imagined for yourself. Just hoped for."

I look at her as she looks somewhere forward, smiling, and I see Dad leaning on the door frame, smiling at her.

"Amen," Dad says, still looking at Mom.

***

"Come on, Iris," Colt says, sighing. "Let's go. You have to go to your locker too."

We are in the school's parking lot but I haven't moved out of the car. Colt has opened my door but I am refusing to go out.

My stomach is churning with nervousness about today. I am going to meet Noah after all that friend date and even after mentally preparing myself for all this, I just know I am going to panic and going to do some things that I cannot handle.

"What's wrong, Iris?" Colt asks, looking at me and raising an eyebrow.

"I cannot do this. I wanna go home." I whine.

He squats down on the pavement and looks at me. "If you don't tell me, how can we solve it?"

Leaning back on the seat, I look at him and say, "How did you know you had feelings for Victoria?"

He shrugs his shoulders. "The usual adrenaline rush, heart beating faster, smiling every time she does - I guess it just strikes your mind and you know what you thought is right. Like in a snap." To emphasize, he snaps his fingers. "And then a certain part also reacts."

"Dude," I groan. He is making this just more hormonal than I need it to be.

He looks confused. "Why suddenly ask that question?"

"Just... like that."

Colt raises his eyebrow. "I have been asking this and I'll ask again, what's the matter?"