Under the Cover of Darkness

18 | Alexandra

I was in the middle of devouring some chocolate covered strawberries when Bill walked over, a glass of punch in one hand.

“I think you're a little lost. The bar's that way,” I pointed across the room before turning and dipping a ripe red strawberry into the chocolate fountain.

The buffet was a smorgasbord of color and the only thing worth my attention for now.

Most of the conversation revolved around lighting and make up and how expensive the entire costume of the movie was and how well it would do in the box office.

I found my mind drifting to Carson on more than one occasion. He would've been the best person to deal with the snobs because the I-don't-tolerate-nonsense air that seemed to cling to him was quite palpable.

“I just came over to say I'm sorry, about what happened in the car.”

I raised an eyebrow and flicked my tongue to get some chocolate stuck at the corner of my mouth.

“What happened in the car?”

“You know,” Bill leaned on the table beside me, the ice cubes in his drink letting out a soft tinkle that was immediately overshadowed by the chatter before us. “I feel like I made you feel you didn't have a choice. I can't pretend to understand what's happening in your life right now but if you feel this is the right thing for you, I ain't gon' stop you.”

I finished my strawberry and folded my hands.

I watched the crew laugh and take pictures and generally celebrate a job well done.

“Do you ever feel like all of a sudden you're not good at anything? Like you have no idea what you're doing anymore even though it's something you're used to?”

Bill frowned. “I can't say I have but then again I'm awesome at everything I do. My motto is never second-guess anything and it's been working like a charm so far.”

“Huh,” I stuck my tongue in my cheek. “It must be just me then.”

I dusted my hands and after picking a glass of already filled orange juice I atarted to walk away. Halfway away from the table I turned back to Bill and yelled, “Oh, and apology accepted.”

With the guests being entertained by one of my many specially curated playlists I made my way to the back of the house with my glass of orange juice in hand.

There was a beautiful sculpted garden that was brightly illuminated with a large tree looking over the whole landscape.

Hanging from one of the branches were two wooden swings.

I occupied one and took a swig from my cup.

Enjoying the sweet twang that rolled across my tongue, I surveyed my surroundings while I pored over the antagonistic feelings that were threatening to take over.

Something was starting to feel really wrong. It was like all of a sudden I was back to square one, lonely and hurting.

I didn't know how long I'd sat on that swing with only the insects of the night as the soundtrack to my musings but soon the sound of footsteps falling against the foliage littered on the stone floor brought me out of my own head.

Before I could stop myself I reached up and made sure my mask was in place over my eyes. It was a reflex action that happened before I could even determine it was happening. It had been key to survival as the DJ I'd made up in my mind but now I wondered if I would ever know what it felt like to live past the obvious boundaries I'd set for myself.

I was surprised at the face that peeked around the shrubbery and scanned the garden.

I didn't know if he would see me all the way up from the little hill the tree was currently perched on but I waved nonetheless.