Left Me || Dreamnotfound

Chapter 18

TWs: sh, swearing, self hate, su1c1de attempt
Clay Pov
I was sitting in my car on the way home, i had taken quite a long time to finslly get in the car, because I basically had a mental breakdown at the parking lot. I was still sobbing a bit, when my phone started to ring. I looked at the display.

Georgie

I quickly pulled over to the side of the street and accepted it.

"H- hello, George?", i said unsure what to say. I was pretty sure you could still hear that I was sobbing.

"Bye Love", he said softly.

What was he saying, love? Why bye. Suddenly it hit me and I started to panick.

"GEORGE WHERE AR-", my phone beeped. He had hung up. I completely panicked and started breathing faster.

"Clay, you have to think now. Where would George be. Don't panick, everything will be just fine. Don't panick.", i slowly said to myself calming down a little.

"Ok, where could he be. Where did I see him last. Ofcourse, he was going home. Ok.", i said and made my way to Georges home. I wasn't paying attention to anything but getting to Georges home. I knew that I was way to fast, and that I wasn't looking at any of the lights.

5 minutes later I arrived at Georges house. I almost fell out of my car, because I was trying to get to the front door as quick as possible.

I flung open the door and stormed inside. As soon as I entered I saw a couple of letters lying on the table. I roumaged through them and in a matter of seconds I found one with my name on it.

I overflew the lines, but I didn't even read half of it, before I ran up the stairs. And burst into the bathroom. Nothing.

I ran over to Georges room. Tears streaming down my face. I tried to open the door. It was locked. I flung myself against the door and it burst opend.

Time seemed to slow down. I ran over to the bed. Everything got so blurry and I could faintly hear myself screaming.

George was lying on the bed. Skin pale as ice, foam falling out of the side of his mouth.

"GEORGE WAKE UP", i screamed and shoock him. But I knew it wouldn't help. I looked over to an empty sleeping pill bottle and a glass.

I grabbed my phone as quickly as possible and called the emergency number. Emideately someone picked up.

"Hello, Hospital here what is your emergency?"

"I- M-my friend tried to k-kill himself."

"Ok, where are you right now and what is your name?"

"I-m Clay and I'm at ####### ##"

"Ok, we will send an ambulace right away.", thr voice said and hung up.

I lied down next to his lifeless body and started to cry more and more.

After what felt like ages, I heard the door open and soon paramedics rushed into the room. I could hear them talking. But it was all blurred. Everything.

I saw them taking George away.

I pleaded for them to let me come, but I wasn't allowed, as I wasn't family. They said I could visit as soon as he was feeling better.

I sat down on the couch and stared into the air. Suddenly I remembered something. I jumped up and ran over to the table. I went to the letters and grabbed mine. Sitting back down to properly read it this time.

Dear Clay
I know that we haven't been very 'close friends' recently. Infact, the last time you will see me, or have seen me was after you beat me up. It acctually broke me. I just wanted to finish this off by saying one thing. I love you. I always did. More than friends, but I honestly lost every bit of hope. Every bit of courage to tell you. So this is how I will tell you. I love you, I love you so so much. I want you to know that.
Love, George

I broke down completely, toughts where flooding my mind. He loved me. He was in love with me. Was it my fault that he commited suicide. Was it my fault he would maybe never wake up again? Was it my fault. Ofcourse it was.

I started to cry more and more. I didn't know what to do anymore. I stood up and walked upstairs. I walked into Georges room. I lied down on his bed.

"THIS IS ALL YOUR OWN FUCKING FAULT CLAY", i started to hit myself on my legs, on my arms, soon you could see bruises forming. I walked over to the bathroom , my legs where hurting and my arms felt heavy. As soon as I was in the bathroom splashed some water into my face.

Suddenly something caught my eye. A shining piece of metal on top of a shelf.

A razor.

Before I was able to think clears I reached up to the shelf. Rolling the sleeve of my sweater up and slowly slid the blade over my wrist.

I didn't look down. I just pulled it across and across. Soon I was sitting on the floor, crying. There was blood streaming down my arm and dripping onto the floor. I quickly held my arm under cold water and burst out in tears again.

I saw a bandage lying in the corner of the room and wrapped it around my arm. I washed the blood of the razor blade and put it back on the shelf.

I ran back to Georges room and lied down on the bed, crying my eyes out.

"IT'S ALL YOUR FUCKING FAULT", i screamed again and started to hit my legs and arms again. Everything was hurting, but I didn't care.

I didn't really listen to anything happening. But suddenly I felt a hand on my back.

I starteld and sat up. Looking into at a woman with red puffy eyes.

Georges mum.

"I-", i stammered and tried to say something.

"I'm so sorry for what happened to George, I-", I started but emideately burst out in tears again.

"Don't worry. I was there when he was bought to the hospital. They are pumping his stoumache, but they said I should rather go home. He's going to be okay. I promise.", she said and smiled faintly, but I could see her heart broken in her eyes.

"Di- did y-you see the l-letter?", i asked between sobbs.

She nodded slightly and held up a piece of paper.

"Clay, I'm going to rest for a bit, but if you want to you can stay here for now.", she said and left the room.