Crush

(21)

"I don't want to sleep " Lexa yelled at Clarke. The woman was just trying to help, they have been sitting in the living room for thirty minutes now. Well technically Lexa falls in and out of sleep.

She was so angry but what Lexa said to her got her on a different level.

30min ago

"what is wrong with you? You were out of line at that table.." Clarke scolded, taking off her heels.

"Out of line?"

"Yes Lexa out of fucking line."

"Maybe you should tell your stupid boyfriend to stay away from me."

"Don't you bring Finn into this"

"Tell me, how did you feel when he fucked you huh? "

"I told you already." She takes a step to climb the stairs like its her house.

"That's not what he thinks. He said you two did more than just kissing. That bum had the nerve to go to my child's school and then brag about how fucking amazing your boobs are. Listen if you don't want me, you can leave. The two of you can suck it."

How many more times was she going to hear this. Her drunk self keeps repeating it.

Walking to the living room and falling on the sofa. Clarke stood by the staircase for a while. Why would Finn say that, 

"Are we always going to fight about the same thing?"

"Yes Clarke, we will...so long as you keep him around, you know what I'm done fighting you about this. We rushed this.. You rushed us into this. I was never ready and I wanted to do better for you but there is always something with you."

"I never slept or allowed him to touch me in anyway. "

"Then its because of Trikru! I left giving you the chance to open your legs to him."

"That's enough!" Walking in front of the girl. "Say all the shit you want but don't speak to me like that..."

"Or what? "

"No I'm not doing this with a drunk ."

"But you are willingly to get pregnant by a kid."

Clarke slaps Lexa right across her face and tries to do it again but her hand is pulled to the side roughly keeping it in place, her left is held the same way 

She knew Lexa wouldn't hit her but the girl was drunk. There was no telling what she could do.

"Don't you understand i only want to do things for you and Madi. I cant lose you the way i lost her and Finn reminds me of that ." She falls to her feet holding Clarke's legs and crying like a baby. "I love you too much. Clarke i need you, why can't you see that. I came back for you and i'm trying, i'm even seeing a therapist for myself and Madi and you."

She stood there with a crying Lexa. 

Present day

"Lexa let's go to bed, please."

The girl looks at her and gets up, tripping in her foot and is helped by Clarke.

On there way up, Lexa kissed her neck and face. Maybe Lexa was right, they rushed everything. Because she thought she was the sexual one in the relationship but clearly that's not the case. She clearly doesn't know her and that is just sad. Therapy? What is that about and since when? 

"Lexa you need to stop." 

She is spined around and her lips connect with Lexa's. Her breath smelled of alcohol and it reminds her to stay clear from the girl.

"Lexa, no"

"What?" Lexa stopped and looked at her with sleepy eyes.

"I said no. Its being a long day, we both need the rest."

With a role of her eyes. Lexa got rid of her clothes and fell on the bed. Naked has the day she was born.

Love was stronger than anything. She loved her complicated young adventurous smart, driven lover.

****

"Morning?" 

Her head was crushing her and no idea how she got home and in her bed. She looks at blue eyes looking at her and she imidiately has a bad feeling. This is why she stopped drinking two years ago.

"Mor...morning" her voice was low and her throat dry.

"I made you breakfast, but first you need to take a bath then take some painkillers, it might help you feel better "

Something was different, she could feel it in her bones. The luck of smile and why was already dressed? Maybe its nothing, otherwise she would have never woren her clothes, right? 

"Thank you. Hey did i do or say something off last night?" 

Her eyes pleading for Clarke to say "No" however those blue eyes showed her a different story.

"I'll be downstairs."

She stood up from the bed but Lexa pulled her back. Which was expected Lexa likes to get her answers when she wants them.

"Did i bring up Finn?"

"Lexa..."

"I'm sorry if i said things out of context."

"We can talk after.."

"No" she flintches at her head pounding. "Clarke please."

"Do you believe i slept with him?" Her voice was low and vulbarable. She did some thinking and it occurs that Lexa is insecure about Finn but she needed to know if she believed him because trust is important.

Lexa sat up. "I don't want to, i tried not to let him get to me but he did." 

Its not a No.

"Well i didn't."

"Is that it?"

"Do you miss her?"  She does not no much but if Lexa blames herself for her death then maybe she is not ready for them.

"I talked about Costia?" Clarke nobs her head. "Costia and i were supposed to be in Trikru together. Start a family, finish school and get jobs to support the baby. It was mostly her dream to stay in Trikru and I went along with it, her dream became my dream. When I went to Trikru it felt awkward being there without her but mostly because you were not there with me and we were fighting. I met her parents and they made me see the bigger picture. I just didn't see it sooner and when I did I was afraid you would leave me. Costia's haunts me, do I miss her yea I do, she was my friend as well and I'm sure she would want me to be happy. And you make me happy. "

They stay in silence for a moment. That was some heavy shit. Clarke thought. 

"I love you" she added

Clarke leaned in and kissed her slow and soft. It was sweet very different from the recent kisses.

"I love you too."