Crush

(20)

She called Madi's nanny on the way back home. Her daughter fell asleep after whitenessing her meltdown and cried her eyes out.

She's happy only for a second that she pulled through in the end. It was all Finn's fault, poisoning her mind in front of Madi. Just so he could come up top once more.

"Take her inside, get her prepared after an hour and have Anya take her with her." Handing the sleeping little cute munchkin to Gaia.

"Oh....no problem." There was more to say but Lexa was already driving out of her driveway.

***

"You seem happy." Octavia called from the room.  She must be easy to read if this girl could look at her and know right away.

How wouldn't she not though? The smile on her face is blinding.  Being positive is the only thing she can that going in cycles about how well she doesn't know Lexa. Now she appreciates Lexa for blocking sex and wanting to get to know her by spending actual time with Clarke. But with her being a teacher and Lexa her student, it meant less time. Thus not risking chances of being caught.

Speaking of teaching Jaha keeps wanting her to go back to work. His a good friend but will it be a right move. Lexa is no longer her student or in high school anymore. 

"Not all is creamy but Lexa is trying."

"Ohoh" 

"What?"

"There is a but coming. "

"Maybe." She waves the subject away. "Enough about that, what should I wear?"

Octavia starts running down a few dresses out of the way while telling Clarke about Lincoln .

***

Clarke arrives at the restaurant with her parents. Lexa texted her to just meet her there. Nothing seemed off if you asked Clarke. 

Just as they were about to walk in. Abby spotted the Woods family and decided to wait. Anya was holding Madi's hand as the girl skipped around in her Red pretty dress.

Where was Lexa, did she change her mind? She would have called Clarke if that was the case not so? Not sure, she smiled at Anya and pulled Madi in a hug who immediately started gushing out words.

They all walked in. Parents talking to each other as usual, Anya minding her own business.

At their table, sat Lexa in a white button down shirt and black pants.

"Lexa?" Diyoza called.

A half bottle of whiskey sat on the table. Her eyes redshot. It's a wonder she does not rick of alcohol.

"Oh hey!" She waved everyone over. Pulling a chair for Clarke and kissing Madi on the cheek.

"I started without you." She finished.

"Are okay?" Anya asked while taking her seat.

"Yes!" Looking over at Clarke. "Why wouldn't i be?"

Titus avoided saying anything to the Grenada, for his image.

Everyone made their orders . Lexa kept looking at Clarke, who would smile and the gesture would not be returned because Lexa was far deep in thoughts. It worried Clarke a little, wanting to what happened during the hours between.

Over the course of the meal, they all watched Lexa drink more than eating  The bottle of Whiskey was done. Calling for the waiter.

She couldn't even keep her eyes open.

"I want a bottle of Rosé " she stuttered 

"No she does not." Titus almost yelled, his being playing cool all night, he should have exploded sooner when Lexa kept dropping her spoon.

"Do as i asked." The girl pushed on.

"Lexa?" Diyoza joined the yet to be Grenada. "You can make a choice to either leave or behave and fix yourself."

The waiter took this chance and walked off. Clarke would love to do the same too, it was a mistake having to be here anyway. 

"Funny you should mention choices. Every choice i make is over shadowed. I....i made a choice to be a lawyer and stay in Trikru. That didn't work." 

Now most eyes land on Clarke. Awkward is an understatement.

"I made a choice to always be safe, just like dad says." She looks at Clarke, tears in her eyes. "Do you know that costia was pregnant? Yeah i made a choice to be safe, she said she wanted all of me, my choice was tossed aside and because of me she died."

Clarke didn't know those details. Lexa has talked about her a few times but never mentioned the baby or how she died. For someone who hates kids, she sure does make some.

"Enough said Lexa." Diyoza voices out in a low voice.

"I was happy mom, that she finally made me open up to the idea of accepting children but like i knew would happen, Costia is dead because of my choices. And now i'm living with that constant fear of Madi."

Abby looks at the poor girl, then back at Lexa. I told your father i will handle it. You would be surprised with the power of social media, not to mention if you have about a million followers loving your work and willingly ready to come to your first show."

Clarke is far gone, Lexa has being dealing with so much. What could she do to help.

"Waiter? I said a bottle of Rosè."

"Lexa we should go home, Madi is tired." Clarke tried to whisper.

"Madi. I can care for Madi" she shouted.

"I know."

"So why do you need Finn?"

What?? Nice timing Lexa.

Anya got up and helped Lexa to her feet. Which was difficult, so she got Jake to help her. Clarke gave Madi to Abby. The kid was fast asleep .

"I'll pick her up tomorrow morning." Clarke said.

"Don't worry just go take care of Lexa. Madi is in good hands."

"Thanks mom."

"Remember, do better than last time." It was strange to have Abby advise her on Lexa when she hates them together even though she says other wise.

***

"You make it hard for me to love you Clarke."

They are in Lexa's house. Five minutes have gone by, Lexa doesn't want to go upstairs.

"Love is difficult baby."

Lexa might be damaged inside but Clarke was ready to glue some things together.

"It shouldn't be that hard. Did you have sex with Finn?

"What?" 

She didn't see that coming. Didn't they have this conversation.

"I don't..." She is cut off

"He said he sucked your fucking boobs. " she looks lost. "You're going to leave me for him right? Is it because i'm young? Because i left for Trikru?"

For the first time Clarke could read those watery eyes. The green sent a message to blue, they were scared. All along she's being afraid to fall, burying the pain in the process. This was Lexa exposing herself.