POLAR

2.5

I was tired. 

I didn't know where I was exactly, but I could feel the grass under my legs, and that was enough. Then my eyes open, I didn't realize they were closed but when I opened them the sky was gray. The sky here was a part of the reason I liked Forks. Gray may be a boring color to most, but I thought it was beautiful. The air was fresh, and it was almost like I could feel the trees taking their breaths around me. 

My brothers.

Adrian and Austin were alive and had been changed. 

After some thinking I came to the conclusion that if they were changed, and Aro hired that hunter to convince Jasper that I was dead, I had to assume that the Volturi was also behind the killing of my family initially. Then after some much-needed investigation, Lydia found that that was also the truth. She'd dug around, looked deeper into the hunters who'd killed them, and it wasn't long until she caught the scent of a money trail and traced it to the Volturi, which was done through a bank in France. She knew it was them as soon as she read the name of the bank because that was how the Volturi paid her when they were offered her and my mothers' services so many years ago.

Edward and Jasper had been sworn to secrecy, so no one knew about the possibility of my brothers being turned. No one could know, because no one was allowed to see me like this. The only person who knew about what my family did to me was Uncle Charlie, Jasper, and now Edward. All my old pack knew was that my old family wasn't shit and that they couldn't care less about what I did which was why the years and hours I spent training never made them bat an eyelash. They had no real clue how they really treated me. I didn't want them to know about it, or anybody for that matter.

Maybe it wasn't that they were alive that made me feel this way. But it was the fact that there's a possibility I'll see them again. That this time, they were actually capable of hurting me physically. 

I was scared. 

If I'm not afraid to fight even a member of the Volturi why was I so afraid of the very possibility that I'd see them again. Those devious twins, those devils. What do I do? Do I hunt them down, kill them? But would I be able to do that? Of course, I should be able to. I should be able to torture them until I get tired. I should be able to tear them limb from limb. Just like I did James, just like I did Laurant, and just like I did Victoria. 

But they're not them. 

Would I even be able to look them in the eyes? If I can't, why not? I shouldn't be afraid of them! They should be afraid of me! But... 

Those times...

When they were all just so angry with me. When they'd pick on me, every single time I was within their radius, and even if I couldn't feel it, if it couldn't hurt me, when they'd hit me. The looks on their faces, how mad they were, and after a while, how they'd look when they'd see me crying, how they'd smile. Leave, come back, they do it again. They'd say those words that hurt my pride, then wait for it to build again, then attack it all over again. 

It terrified me to think of those memories, maybe that's why I blocked it out for so long. How could I not? 16 almost 17 years of just nonstop bullying and abuse? And 16 years of brutal training alongside it made it no better. Why was I always so afraid of them? As a child, I understood that they were human, so why did they scare me? Was it because of my dad? I grimace at the memory, of how I looked up to my dad in my early years, despite how he and his wife treated me. 

Uncle Thomas was always my Uncle Thomas, so I could never really see him in a dad's light. So it wasn't until I was maybe 4 or 5 when I met Uncle Charlie did I want a dad like that. I saw how he and Bella interacted, and they just seemed so happy. I wanted that.