Drowning

Chapter 2

Howling by: RY X playlist play on repeat till end of chapter
This stupid hospital sucks, and it just frustrates me more! This whole fucking night I had nurses watching me non-stop, worried that I might slit my throat on their watch, fuck this shit I just want to go home.

Well, how are you feeling ally a kind aged woman with pearly whites asks, as she holds her clipboard tightly, but I instantly groan because this is about the fourth time this doctor came to me wanting to talk about my freaking "feelings".

I huff out in defeat as I examine the nicely wrapped bandage around my wrists and the colorless hospital clothing I have on, as a habit I can't help but pick at my fingernails because quite frankly I don't find it "fun" to talk about my problems. In all honesty, I rather drench myself in booze and drugs,  it's either that or the constant visuals of me wanting to jump off a bridge.

I'm ready to go home now I finally say to the woman that observes me patiently, and I'm assuming she's the psychologist that probably works here in the emergency suicidal hord

How about we first talk then we can decide what's our next step she says with  a gentle smile  as she tries to passively persuade me but I just get more annoyed

Well ... I don't want to fucking talk I spit out bitterly which takes her back by my outburst before she walks away. I'm relieved when I see her vanish, but my luck is spoiled when she walks in with my mom. Just fucking great I mumble to myself  as I rest my head bag against these uncomfortable pillows

Ally we need to talk my mom says softly as she walks on eggshells with me, and I instantly notice the dark bags under her eyes from the lack of sleep. Why can't she just let me be

Mom, I'm fine okay I want to go home I state frustratedly which edges my mom off because she silences me quick

No Allison you need help it's been two years and you just getting worse! Now I am mentally drained from all the stunts that I constantly witness, you don't go to school you always high you don't eat you either out late or planning to kill yourself in front of Tommy my mom sobs and the lady rubs her back soothingly. Knowing I'm not going to have much say at all I accept defeat and keep quiet and wait for the doctor to tell me what's install for me

Look ally your mom has told us the brief history that has taken place and based on all your outbursts I'm afraid I'm going to have to prescribe you some medication, however that won't completely solve everything... she trails off cautiously and I wait for her to continue her never-ending speech. We have assigned you to a specialist in Virginia that you will see every day. Wait the actual fuck Virginia is across the fucking country, but I'm not surprised I knew my mother couldn't handle me, so she's shipping me off across the fucking country, unfucking believable.

Your aunt sally lives there, with your cousin Stacey, and she offered to help you with residence for the entire 6 months of the program she tries to assure me  through a sign and I feel the aching need to hurt myself because I'm so sick of these stupid feelings

Glad I will be out of your way I respond bitterly before I look dead ahead, besides, the knot in my stomach growing, the atmosphere around me is numb, quite frankly my entire existence is numb ... and I can't help but fall into that dark hallway again a familiar feeling of betrayal settles down with me

She's a slut she asked for it, Jennifer! My dad yells angrily at my mom and the words that leave his mouth cut through my chest, the man that's supposed to protect me is standing against me and I can't bear this rejection...

She's your daughter Richard! She never asked for it, she's only 14 years old have you no remorse my mom yells angrily at my dad and I can't help but suck my head in shame as I reinforce the tension that had died months ago.