Starboy

Chapter 14: This Isn't High School

My body naturally wakes me up an hour before my alarm clock was set to go off at 7 A.M. I lay in bed feeling absolutely terrified of today. I thought I would be excited, but the nerves in my body have completely taken over any amount of excitement I am feeling. All I can think about is the first day of college at NYU. And of course, Benji. Really, why is so much happening at once?

I am supposed to meet my dad for breakfast today so that he can 'send me off' to my first day of college. Dad is really emotional now that I'm officially growing up -- even though I've practically been an adult for years. I had to grow up really quickly once Mom died. He's even more emotional now that I've moved out of the house. 

I haven't seen him since moving day, but I've called him a few times since then. I promised I'd visit him every weekend, but here I am, already breaking my promises. I get a feeling every kid who moves out promises their parents the exact same thing and doesn't follow through. The only difference is, I really didn't want to be like those kids.  

I carefully pick out my first-day outfit, which is a pair of tight blue jeans and my favourite yellow top from Tommy Hilfiger. After curling my hair, I throw on a baby blue cap and grab my phone. As I open my door, Benji is standing right in front of me, and it looks like he was just about to knock on my door.

"Oh, hey," he says, caught off guard. "I was just about to come to see you." He smiles.

I smile back, feeling happy today. "Hi," is somehow all I can say.

"Hi," he says admirably, grabbing my hands. 

I blush and smile brightly.

We head into the kitchen and make some coffee. Benji makes us both a dark roast, which is amazing and definitely needed. "Sleep well, B?" He asks me, sipping his coffee as he sits next to me at the table.

I nod, sipping mine as well. "Yeah," I answer. "You?" 

He shakes his head, his messy, curly hair falling into his face. "Not really, no."

I frown. "Are you okay?" I ask genuinely.

He smiles. "Don't worry about me," he tells me, reaching out to grab my hand. "I'm just... not looking forward to starting school."

I shudder at his touch as he continues to play around with my fingers. "You'll have me," I say, hoping that might make him feel better. He attempts a smile and I realize that my presence isn't good enough, which is fair. "Hey, don't worry," I add.

"I'm not worried," he says quickly. "I'm pissed."

"Pissed?"

"At my dad for making me do this."

I shake my head, placing my coffee on the table. "He loves you," I assure him. "I think he just wants you to have a plan. After all, you're almost nineteen. Your life needs to have some sort of direction." 

"I do, I do have a plan. Well, I had a plan."  

"Benji," I say sweetly. "Travelling around the world isn't a plan, unfortunately. It sounds amazing, but you can't do it for a living. There is this thing called bills." I smirk. "Steven just wants you to be able to work one day." 

"Maybe I don't want to work," he says. "Maybe I just want to do nothing."

"You can't," I say. "You have to do something."

He scoffs, getting up from his spot, tossing his cup into the sink. "I'll see you at school, okay?" He tries to hide his, what I think is frustration.

I regret saying anything about school and about Steven. I know the topic is sensitive, especially since school is today. What's wrong with me? Why would I say any of that after what happened between us last night? I should be avoiding any controversial conversations and focus on talking about us. I can't believe it's not even 8 A.M and I've messed up so much already.