Starboy

Chapter 13: 2 A.M

"What do you mean?"

"We can take this slow, you know," Benji says and I feel better about this situation.

I sit up after lifting him off of me. "Take what slow?" I ask. "I mean, what is this? What are we doing here?"

He shrugs. "We're whatever you want us to be," he answers vaguely, which disappoints me.

"I don't understand," I say. "What do you want us to be?"

"B," he smiles, moving in closer to me. "I like you," he finally admits. "If you like me the way I like you, then I want you to decide what we are. I don't want to rush you into anything."

"You like me?" I ask, feeling like I need validation. Of course, he likes me, he was just making out with me, but I need to ask anyway.

He laughs, probably aware of my need for validation. "Stop," he flirts. "You know that I do."

I blush, feeling my face become warm. "I had no idea," I answer honestly. "I thought you could never look at me that way."

"How could I not like you?" He says, making all of my dreams a reality. "You're so beautiful, B," he flirts again, kissing my lips. I melt into the kiss, completely forgetting we were just talking about taking this slow.

He pulls me over his lap by my thighs and I follow through without hesitation. Our hands link in the air before they come to a stop and rest on the couch beside his head. I keep wanting to say something, but a part of me knows that talking will ruin this for both of us.

He lets go of my hands and places them around my waist, pulling me closer to him. I grab his face and push him deeper into the couch, feeling completely safe and happy. My lips start to hurt from the continuous use of them and I let go. He instantly moves his mouth to my neck, sucking and kissing at it, giving me an experience I've never had before.

"Benji," I mutter, not wanting to stop, but realizing that we should.

He turns his eyes to me and smiles tiredly. "Yeah, B?"

"Hi," I whisper, running my hand through his hair.

"Hi," he whispers back to me.

"What are you thinking about?" I wonder, realizing how much of a pillowtalk question that is — and we haven't even had sex.

"You," he answers, giving me butterflies.

He leans in to kiss me again but I pull away. "Maybe not now," I remind him. "Slow, remember?" I smile, hoping I'm not disappointing him.

He smiles back at me, giving me a sense of relief. "You're right," he says, placing his hands back on my waist. "What do you wanna do, then?"

I shrug, feeling put on the spot. "Should we sleep?" I suggest. "It's so late."

He quietly laughs. "It's not that late."

I laugh back, realizing it's really not that late and I'm not even tired. "Maybe not for you," I say. "Some people like to sleep early," I smirk.

He throws his head down with a smile on his beautiful face, realizing that the night is over. "I get it," he understands. "You worked tonight. Of course, you must be tired." He kisses me quickly again. "Get some rest, B." He helps me off his lap and stands up as I still remain on the couch.

He offers my hand to me and I take it as he helps me up. He walks me over to my room and I switch on my light. I turn to Benji, who is still staring at me with what looks like love but is probably just lust. "Can we talk tomorrow?" I ask.

He nods. "Yeah, of course. Goodnight, B," he says as our hands detach.

"Goodnight," I say back. I close my door quietly and lean against it just like all the girls do in the movies, and I run my fingers through my hair. I head into my bathroom and think about tonight as I brush my teeth and wash my face.

I change out of my dress and into my pyjamas, which are just a pair of sweatpants and an old Levi's t-shirt. I switch off my light and crawl into bed, feeling things I've never felt before. At first, my thoughts are positive and beautiful, but suddenly, a horrible feeling of self-doubt and worry overtake everything.

Benji is still constantly sleeping with other women. He literally just came back from a huge summer trip with a bunch of super attractive girls--girls that he likely also slept with. If he is so into me like he claimed to be, why is he always with other people? Was he just saying all of that to get into my pants, or does he really like me? I know Benji is a complicated person, but would he really do something like that to me--his best friend?

I finally fall asleep after almost an hour of crazy thoughts like that running through my mind. The sound of my phone wakes me and I hope it didn't also wake Benji. What am I saying? There's no way he's asleep so early, it's only 2 A.M.

I reach for my phone, still half asleep, and flip it open, not even checking the caller ID. "Hello?"

"Baby!" Hellen says. "Shit, sorry, are you sleeping?"

"Not anymore," I answer, trying to wake myself up by turning on my nightlamp. "What's up?"

"I just..." She pauses. "Tomorrow is your first day at school, right?"

"Yeah," I reply, completely forgetting that very fact. After what happened with Benji, school just slipped my mind.

"I just remembered that," she whispers. "And I don't know, I got super sad."

I sit up. "Don't be sad," I say.

"You're growing up," she jokes. "You grew up so fast. I feel like it was yesterday when you broke that chair in class the first time we met."

I laugh. "That's right, that's how we became friends."

She laughs back. "Yeah, I came up to you after class and said you were the biggest dumbass and for some reason, you weren't offended. You understood my humour right away, B. That's a sign."

I smile to myself, feeling totally nostalgic. "I wasn't offended because I knew you were right--I was such a dumbass." We both laugh. "I miss those days, Hel," I admit. "Sometimes I can't believe how much has changed."

"Like how you're living with that dirtbag?" She jokes.

I don't even say anything, realizing that the topic of Benji is very sensitive right now. She doesn't even know that we kissed. "Yeah," I say without thinking. "Hey, can we hang out tomorrow? I know I have school, but how about later?"

"Hell, yeah," she says. "Call me, okay?"

"Okay," I smile. "I love you, Hel."

"I love you, Baby," she says back. "Go kick some ass tomorrow, alright?"

I nod, falling back into my sleeping position. "Thanks."

I can't believe tomorrow is the first day of college. And on top of all of that craziness, I have to deal with what's going on with Benji. Only if tomorrow could get here sooner.

—

Eeek first kiss vibes! This is just the beginning!!

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