Is this love?

I loved you

I woke up with a splitting headache groaning. Why is my head aching so much? I thought as I got off the bed. Wait this is not my house and I surely didn't hookup last night. I looked around. This was his house.

Suddenly everything came back to me like a flash. Me drinking. Coming here. Kissing him.

Fuck. Fuck. What the fuck did I do? I need to get out of here before he wakes up.

I walked out of the bedroom trying to sneak out but there was Jungkook sitting on the couch really looking like... crap.

I looked at him and he looked back. He definitely didn't get enough sleep but I shouldn't really care right?

"Hey. You were really.." He paused swallowing. ".. drunk yesterday. Here take advil." He said walking up to me handing me advil.

I mumbled a thank you and took it from him. I have absolutely no idea what I should do. Should I pretend like I don't remember? Should I run away? Am I supposed to talk about it? But what should I say anyway? Sorry for drunk kissing you?

I swallowed the pill and drunk some water and sat down.

"Jimin stopped by and I told him you stayed the night. He left you a change of clothes. You should probably go shower before he comes and picks you up. He asked me to call when you are ready." He said emotionlessly just like he talked to me during therapy.

His back was turned to me as I got up to go shower and change. As I took my clothes from him I finally saw his tired eyes. He looked like he would faint from exhaustion yet they were brimming with emotion.

I ignored my thumping heart and went to take a shower. As the water washed my sweaty and hungover self I relaxed a bit.

I can't pretend like I forgot or just run away now. I have to talk to him I decided.

I finished showering and changed quickly. I walked out of the room to see Jungkook waiting on the couch. His tired puffy eyes looked up at me and I looked away holding back tears. I hated myself for being so affected.

"If you are done I'll call Jimin." He said reaching for his phone.

"No wait... We should talk.. About.. What happened... I uhh.. I am sorry for what happened... I don't know what I was thinking.. I wasn't even thinking... I won't bother you again I guess.. This was a bad idea to begin with.." I stopped when I saw a stream of tears  run down his cheeks. I didn't know what to do.

Screw this. I did some shit yesterday so I'll make up for it now and we don't have to see each other again after this. That thought still hurt more than I'd like to accept but I knew it was for the best.

I walked towards him and sat beside him. I moved closer. I lifted my arm to place it around him but I hesitated. I gave up and sat normally as he looked away wiping his tears.

"Look. I am sorry for what I said. Why are you crying?"

"What do you mean why Tae?! I know I never told you this but I really loved you! I always did. You meant the fucking world to me. But I was sure I didn't deserve someone like you. I hurt you really bad when you saved me and was always there for me! I don't deserve someone like you. And now you are telling me you loved me? You even got drunk because of me Tae. I fucking ruined your life! I being a therapist ruined my own best friend and first love's life. I fucking hate myself for that. Didn't you say you wish that I disappear? I wish that too Tae. Maybe then you can live in peace. I wish I never existed. Because of me you had to suffer and all you did was love me forever even when I took you for granted. I don't deserve you Tae. I don't deserve to live in this world. You are my world."

I was shook. Out of all the things I thought he would say I never thought he would say this. I was crying without realising it.

"Then why did you do that kook? Why did you leave? " I whispered.

"Because I really loved you! and I knew I didn't deserve you but I didn't know you loved me too Tae. I thought you just had a childish crush and were mad at me only because I unknowingly played with your feelings. I never thought I would screw up so bad. I am really sorry Tae."

I didn't know what to say or how to feel. After all this Kookie actually loved me all along.

"Really Kookie? And you decide if you are good enough for me? Did I ever make you feel like I was doing you a favor by being with you or that you were not good enough?"

"No. Never. Maybe that's why. You were always perfect and I was toxic. I hurt you more than I thought I did."

I was feeling very strange. Very relieved and happy but also super angry. It all came out in the form of tears.

Suddenly he passed out. Fuck.

"Jungkook! Jungkook! Fuck!"

I wrote this chapter over an year ago. Idk bro.