𝐀𝐒𝐇 𝐂𝐇𝐔𝐑𝐂𝐇: 𝐑𝐄𝐂𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍

S7 • E1 - Don't get me started

Sarge: "Attention: Blue Team! This is the Red Team! We are here to destroy you! Your long reign of being the shittiest team around is about to come to the sudden and cataclysmic end! We will give you a few moments to suck in the horrors of this announcement! And then return for your reaction. Be right back!"

Sarge backs down towards Red Base, where Simmons, Shadow, Wade and Grif are standing.

Sarge: "Hehe. Alright, that oughta scare the bejeebus out of them!"

Simmons: "Actually, sir. Since it's just four of them over there—"

Grif: "While one is an idiot and the other three are some of the most lethal soldiers we've ever seen."

Simmons: "—I don't really see the point in psychological warfare. Especially since we just might activate them."

Sarge: "You're right, Simmons."

Simmons: "What I meant was—"

Sarge: "But we would just keep scaring them till they break!"

Simmons: "...What I meant was, I don't see the point in announcing to them that we're gonna attack. Why don't we just do it?"

Sarge: "There's an order to this, Simmons. We can't abandon protocol just because we have an advantage! We have to give him a chance to see the errors of his Blue ways! To lay down his arms and meet his fellow men at the table of peace, where we can work together towards a better world. A world that's better, because we poisoned his food at that table, and stabbed him in the eye with a fork. And taken all his stuff."

Simmons: "... Dibs on the computers."

Sarge: "Noted. Plus I don't think rushing in on ex blacks ops is good idea."

Wade: "Good call."

Sarge: "Thank you. Now watch that base. Tell me if anything changes."

Simmons: "Yes, sir! And sir?"

Sarge: "Yes, Simmons?"

Simmons: "I just wanna say, I'm glad I was here to see you on your day of victory. It's been a long time coming."

Sarge: "Yes it has, hasn't it? My skills as a leader have really taken us far. It must've been quite an honor to serve with me. (pause) Ah... okay. Glad we had this talk."

Simmons: (hopeful) "Are you glad I'm here too, Sarge?"

Sarge: "Of course I am."

Simmons: "I knew it! I just could—"

Sarge: "The squad's kill-death ratio is the most important measurement when evaluating sergeants! If you had died, that would've hurt my numbers."

Simmons: (sniffs; walks off) (dejectedly) "Glad I could help!"

Shadow: (walks off) "Ugh."

Sarge: "It's better to keep a little padding in our stats! That way, if we're far enough ahead, I can stab Grif in the face, and still stay in the lead."

Wade: "You know, he's standing right here."

Sarge: "Right where I want him: within face-stabbing range!"

A radio sounds.

Sarge: "Lopez, how are those vehicle repairs coming?"

Lopez: "¿Cómo van? El jeep está destruido. No se puede arreglar." [Coming? The jeep is destroyed. It can't be fixed.]