Nobody Gotta Know (Z.D.H)

Chapter 36

TW: mentions of rape and suicide
Thursday June 9, 2022
Dylan's POV

"What are you doing up?" I asked Dani when Zach dropped me off.

"I couldn't sleep," She said. She was sitting on the couch with a cup of coffee in her hand. The lights weren't on. The only light was coming from the tv that I could clearly tell she wasn't watching. "How was you're date. It's super late."

"Oh um it was fine," I said sitting down. "Sorry I didn't mean to stay out this late we kind of lost track of time."

"It's fine Dylan. I know your responsible," She said. There was a distance in her eyes. Like her mind wasn't here.

"Are you okay?" I asked her trying to look at her in the eyes but she was just staring straight ahead. Her head snapped to me. Her eyes were filled with tears.

"What's wrong?" I asked grabbing her hand. She closed her eyes tightly. Then she leaned forehead and put her cup down on the coffee table.

"Dylan there's something I need to tell you," She said tucking one of her legs under the other. My mind immediately started racing to conclusions.

"What is it?" I asked.

"Do you remember like 6 years ago when Mama got that boyfriend?" I was confused. Where was this leading?

"Yea what's his name like Jeffery or something?"

"Jeremy. His name was Jeremy," Dani said. She got this look in her eyes when she said his name. I couldn't read it though.

"What about him?"

"Remember how not long after he moved in I asked you if you wanted to stay at Madi's for a while?" I remember it perfectly. I was only 11 and was super excited to spend the week at Madi's. It was one of the best weeks of my life back then. I nodded.

"I asked Julie if you could stay there because I didn't trust him. I got a bad feeling about him and I didn't want you to get hurt. I told Mama but she shrugged me off so I sent you away. I would've went to but I didn't want to leave Mama alone with that man." I become nervous knowing that this story wasn't going to end well. "One night when Mama was gone on a night shift." Our mother was a nurse so it wasn't rare that she had night shifts.

"He came in my room." My heart dropped. I knew exactly where this story was going. "I was sleep but he slammed the door open and it woke me up. He was drunk." My leg started shaking with nerves and my eyes filled with tears.

"Dani," I said softly when I saw tears coming down her face. She shook her head.

"No. You need to know." She cleared her throat before talking again. "He came in and somehow I knew that something bad was going to happen. I tried to run out of the room but he pushed me back into the bed." Dani looked away as she talked.

"Dani you don't need to go into detail," I told her as tears ran down my face.

"He touched me," Dani let out a sob. I choked on a sob trying not to let it out. I'd never seen Dani cry like this. She was always so strong. It hurt me seeing her cry like this. I guess the saying the brightest smiles hide the darkest secrets was true.

I wrapped my arms around Dani and held her as we both cried. Eventually we got ourselves together.

"Have you ever told anyone?" I asked her wiping away my tears.

"Yes. I told Jonah and Mama." She told me. "I told Mama a couple of days after it happened and she kicked him out right away." Dani eyes filled with tears again. "But she never talked about it again. She never asked me if I was okay or if I wanted to go to the cops or if I wanted to see someone about it. She acted as if it hadn't happened again." Tears started to fall down again but she was angry this time.

"I was scared and angry. I wanted to tell someone but I was so scared. I was scared Mama was going to be angry for some reason or that he would come back. I was angry at Mama for not talking to me. As a kid I always envied Abby because she could talk about anything with Jenny. I couldn't do that with Mama. I still can't do that with Mama. I was always so scared that she'd judge me and I was right. She never made me feel loved. It was like every single thing I did she always found something horrible to say about it. That's why I was always so sure to make sure you knew how much I loved and was proud of you. Even with the tiny things because I didn't have anyone there for me to do the same and now I'm fucked up."

"You are not fucked up."

"I am but I'm working on it," She told me. We sat in silence for a second. It was crazy to hear all of this. Dani wasn't wrong. Mama had always been judgmental. Unlike me though Dani didn't have anyone there to counter act her.

"Is that why you moved to New York?" I asked her.

"No," She said shaking her head. "The whole point I brought this up was because of something I need to ask you. I moved to New York because the day we came back from Miami I saw him again." I felt my heart break for Dani. It couldn't have been easy seeing her rapist again.

"Where?"

"At our house." My face fell into a look of confusion. I don't remember seeing him. There was no way our mother would bring him back, right?

"What?"

"He was at our house. I flipped out on Mama. That was when everything between her and I really started. We argued. She told me that all of that had happened so long ago and that he was an acholic then. She said that he had been to rehab and was all better but he still had to sinister grin. It haunted me. It still does. She said that I should be over it by now. Over it! I was raped and I should just get over it! I had to leave. I would've killed myself if I didn't." Killed herself? Dani was suicidal and I was caring about a random boy. I could've lost my sister and I dealing with stupid teen problems.

"I feel so guilty leaving you back then. I feel so selfish! I wanted to bring you with me but I couldn't. I tried so hard to deal with it so I could stay with but I can't. Now I have these nightmares about him but not touching me. Of him touching you! I should've asked you this ages ago, but he did touch you?"

"No," I said shaking my head. "I haven't even seen him."

"Oh thank god," Dani said looking up. "I shouldn't have left you."

"Dani don't do that. I'm fine and you wouldn't have been fine if you hadn't left. You did the right thing. You did what was best for you."

"I love you Dylan," She told me.

"I love you Dani and I'm sorry that happened to you," I said wrapping my arms around her once again.

"Better me than you."

"Don't say that Dani," I scolded her. She rolled her eyes.

"Whatever enough with this sappy shit. How was your date for real."

I grinned.

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The amount of times I had to stop writing because I was crying too much while writing this is baffling. This chapter hit home. I've never been raped but my mother is just like theirs and it absolutely sucks. The part about Dani being jealous of Abby being able to talk to her mother is me just seeing anyone talking to their mom. If you have a mom who shows you her love then don't take her for advantage because I would do anything to have a mom like that. I don't think I've ever even had anyone say I love you to me. I'm so damaged it's not even funny. At least I have Wattpad though to escape real life.

Also if you've been through any type of trauma my messages are always open to talk. Don't forget to vote and comment please! I love you all.