Spark ( Book 3: Stronger Series )

53. Gone

I knew I was brainwashed, but the exhaustion of constantly fighting it was too much. I was human after all, and I could only take so much. I wanted it to be over. I wanted to be happy, and maybe if I did accept my life and knew there was no escaping it, maybe there was a chance, if I let myself, I could be happy.

My plan for vengeance was officially gone, obliterated, and replaced by a different need. My goal was to try to salvage what was left of my life, make peace with it, and live as happily as I possibly could. I was still learning how to do that, still adapting, but in the end, I still felt nothing inside. I lived to please, and when Darren wasn't around for me to please him, I felt useless and incomplete and feared he would think I was slipping back into my old views and punish me again. I had a feeling he was worried about me, but I didn't know why. I was never leaving him. I was his. I wanted him. What more was there?

After a lonely lunch one day, I sat in the library for a while to read. Camaro laid at my feet while Clive and Owen sat quietly on the leather chairs not far from me when Darren suddenly walked in. The hardened expression on his face made my stomach twist, his stride too determined to convey a casual visit. But when he stopped before me, his features immediately softened as he looked down at me, and it allowed my heart to quiet once more.

"Reading again?" he asked, his voice lighthearted.

I nodded, trying to give him a small smile. I had been reading a lot lately. It kept me out of trouble.

He crouched down to my eye level and gently took my face in his hands. Their warmth had me leaning in to them, and I couldn't help but show him my appreciation. I found myself admiring the beauty of his face, the treacherous candy coating that hid the evil inside. I wanted to taste the candy for the rest of my life if it meant I never had to see the evil filling within again. Darren regarded me closely, his eyes peering deep into mine, and I wondered what it was he was looking for.

"I want you to train with Scott today," he said.

I furrowed my brows. He hadn't had me train with Scott since we left the island.

"When?" I asked. Never why. I never asked why.

"Now."

"Okay," I said with a nod and closed my book.

Darren stood to allow me room to rise, and I followed him out of the library with Camaro, Clive, and Owen. I quickly changed into some workout clothes in my room and met Scott in the gym. Darren was not present. Scott stood in the middle of the cage with a focus mitt on each hand. He looked just as determined as Darren had been.

Making sure I was well stretched before I started, I sat on the floor in a full split while I wrapped my hands and put on my gloves. I kept my eyes on Scott as he paced the cage like a tiger, waiting for his chance to strike. It didn't even faze me.

When I was ready a few minutes later, I stepped into the cage feeling absolutely nothing. I was a robot who followed commands, and if Darren wanted me to train with Scott, then I would train with Scott.

Scott gave me a list of complex strike combinations, and I already had them configured in my head. I was able to deliver everything he asked for, putting all my focus and energy into each strike, but it wasn't for me. It was for him. And for Darren. I was on autopilot, my muscle memory capable of repeating hundreds of combinations without even thinking about them. Scott didn't stop at striking. He tested the height and speed of my kicks, my chokeholds and takedowns, even my flips and handsprings.

But even though I successfully did everything he asked, he did not seem satisfied. He seemed pissed off, actually.

"Where the fuck are you right now?" he asked, his voice rough and angry.

I jerked my head back in confusion, sweat trickling down the side of my face as my heart continued to beat out of my chest. "Excuse me?"

"Your head. Where's your head at? Your body might be here, but your head sure as hell ain't."

I couldn't help but raise my eyebrows as I focused on calming my breathing. "I don't understand. I did everything you asked," I said.

He shook his head, and tore off the mitts. "Your body did. But you didn't."

I placed my hands on my hips and furrowed my brows, still trying to catch my breath but remained stoic. "Well, I–"

"We're done for the day," he said, completely interrupting me as he headed out of the cage. I watched him walk out of the gym and slam the door behind him.

Shaking my head, I grabbed my boxing gloves from the floor and headed out of the cage while removing my wraps. I didn't know what to make of his reaction. What had I done wrong?

"Did I do something wrong?" I asked Clive and Owen as they took my gear from me.

Clive simply sighed while he set my stuff on the nearby bench, and Owen just shook his head.

"Why did you train with Scott?" Owen asked me.

I almost glared at him. The answer was obvious. "Because Darren told me to."

"And if he hadn't told you to, would you have wanted to?" Clive asked.

I shrugged. "Only if it would have made Darren happy."

"And that's the problem, isn't it? You only do things that make Mr. Davis happy," Owen said. "You need to do things that make you happy as well."

I felt taken aback by that, the inappropriateness of the conversation suddenly weighing on me.

"I don't think we should be having this conversation," I said.

Clive rolled his eyes and began to usher me out of the gym. "Come on. You need a shower, little girl."

I got halfway up the staircase when I suddenly realized I didn't even care that Clive had called me little.

What the fuck had happened to me?

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