The Upside of Falling Back To You

chapter fourteen | want u back

ten years ago; march 2020, grade 10

I TAKE HIM BACK.

Our time apart was very, very short-lived. If you asked anyone else at school, they'd probably think we were only taking space from each other for a few weeks, they would've never guessed that it was supposed to be a break up. Well, these days, that probably did count as a break up - the meaning of the phrase was a little tentative these days.

But when Ronan showed up on my front doorstep on Valentine's day, with a box of chocolate and a bouquet of roses, it was hard not to close the door on him. He practically begged to give him a second chance, that he was in the wrong and he shouldn't have done what he did with Kari, and he'd never do that again.

That wasn't when I took him back.

But, I agreed to spend the day with him. Some of the money he was saving for new hockey equipment instead went to a trip to the local aquarium, followed by dinner at our favourite buffet place.

It felt weird not even kissing him once that entire time.

There was an obvious space between us at school, but it shrunk as we started talking again. I could see it written on his face that he wanted to be as close as possible to me, he wanted to kiss me in the halls between classes and wanted to spend our evenings curled up watching a movie. But I just wouldn't let him.

There was something stopping me, an invisible wall that told me that maybe I didn't want to go back to him, at least not yet. I know that Ronan learned his lesson, I know that he didn't mean to hurt me by hanging out with Kari. I gave him the freedom to hang out with who he wants.

Besides, other than that one, kind of long kiss, he didn't really do anything that bad, right?

I didn't take him back until mid-March.

It was the last day before school opened back up after March break. Ronan was knocking urgently against the door and when I opened it, I noticed that he didn't come over alone. Vi held onto his hand tightly and Ronan had her backpack hanging from his shoulder.

"Hey, what are you-"

"Can you do me a favour? I know it's late, I know we're here without warning, but can Vi stay the night?" He looked a little frantic, panting like he was in a rush. Vi looked scared, and she didn't really want to let go of her brother's hand. "And Cas and her go to the same school, right? The school districts changed since we went, right?" He looks behind me. I glanced back to see my parents at the door. "Could you drop Vi off at school in the morning, too? I'll pay back for lunch money."

"I - I -"

"Of course, Ronan," Mom said, taking Violet's stuff from him. Mom gestured for Violet to follow her but she doesn't budge.

"Don't go, Ronan," she begged, looking up at her brother. "Please don't go."

He looks back at me, his eyes pleading to help him. I crouch down. "Vi, you can go up to my room and choose something for us to do. Anything you want, okay? I'll be up there in a second."

Again, she doesn't move.

"I just made cookies." I let her take a whiff of the house, proving my point. "You can have as many as you want."

Though she was reluctant, she stepped inside and followed my mom upstairs.

"Okay-" I turn back to Ronan as he speaks. "Just call me if you need-"

"Wait." I push him outside and close the door behind me. It was cold so I pulled my sweater tighter. "What's going on, Ronan? What's happening at home?"